Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Depression

It's been a long time since I've really been active on KA. When I was 22, I discovered that I probably have this thing called ankylosing spondylitis. I found great comfort at KA, and through my friends and family (they did the best they could to understand). I went through taking large amounts of narcotics daily, to going into a sort of remission, and completely going off narcotics.

My 25th birthday is approaching this month, and I find myself in a difficult place. I had about a year of what I can only assume is remission. I would have pain, but it was minimal and didn't control my life. The fatigue was much better, I could actually go a full day without needing a nap.

About 6 months ago, I had my first flare in a long time, that hasn't really gone away completely. I really think I was in denial about the whole thing, and thought it would go away in a few weeks and I would go back to "normal". The denial, pain, and fatigue mixed together let me slip into depression.

Somewhere along the line, I realized that while I was getting ready for work, crying because I didn't want to leave the house was not "normal". I didn't want to leave because I was in pain, tired, and the truth is emotionally depressed. My life was slipping.

So now I am trying to be proactive again. I am exercising, taking a lot of vitamins, and getting sunlight. I am also not shutting myself off from my life anymore. I have had the realization that life is just going to be tough for a while, but I can't be too hard on myself for it. This is better than just waiting for myself to feel better again. If I have to do things differently, then that's just what I have to do.

I finally talked with my family about what's going on, and I'm having them keep holding me accountable, in a loving way. It's a constant struggle. I've only been working on it for about a week now, and I feel confident that I can overcome this. If I still can't shake it, then I will probably need to take some anti-depressants, but I will give my body a chance to absorb the exercise and vitamins for a while first. I also have to figure out a good way to cope with the pain.

So here I am again......

Aly

Wow! That sounds like such a strong and good plan for yourself. Be really proud that you have recognised the black monster, and are doing your best to fight it. Its great too that you have involved your family and are prepared to up the ante with anti-ds if you have to. I think one really awful thing about depression is that it does make you want to shut off completely, and you really sound like you aren't going to let it do that to you.

Be gentle with yourself, but stay strong too. And maybe consider seeing what a doctor or rheumie could offer you in the way of treatment -it might be that NSAIDs are enough to make a difference and you don't need to ramp up to the heavy narcotics with all the other proactive stuff you are doing.

Ally, I'm glad you came back!!! It's good to see you!

I'm really proud of you for shaking yourself and making a plan to move forward in a positive way. It's truly hard to do, I know, but you are doing it. Keep coming here and talking to us about this, please?

You rock!!

Warm hugs,

Aly, my beautiful 25 daughter just died of depression in January. I am SO GRATEFUL that you are taking your health seriously! THANK YOU! Peace, Erica

Aly...your AWESOME!

Been there and done that a million times and still working at it.

What you are doing is wonderful, keep it up!

Like you said if you cant shake it get on some meds, there is no shame in taking something that helps you, you know what the alternative is and thats just nonesense.

Keep us updated, I have a LONG history with depression, meds, treatment, ect.. just PM me if you have any questions.

Hugs,

Lisa

Aly,
you are an inspiration!
Thank you so much for posting. I'm sorry things have been really hard lately and I so applaud you for seeking healing.
If I might suggest: why not post here as regularly as you think will work for you. Don't worry about helping others, just absorb whatever help and compassion you need for now.
Healing through depression resource: www.radiantrecovery.com (you don't need to be overweight to benefit from this nutritional approach to combating depression, anxiety, sugar sensitivity).
Hugs,

Hi Aly,

I'm so happy you are back! Take it from me, this is the place to be for support! I myself have needed to lean on everyone here the last 2 weeks.

It sounds like you have a good support system in your family and never forget, we are also here for you-another branch of family to support you!

If you can't get a handle on your depression with your current plan, hurry to your doctor for antidepressants as I'm sure you know it can take weeks for them to take effect.

Good luck and don't be a stranger!

hi aly!

sorry for the flare and depression due to it. you sound more positive now, its good to have goals to work toward. but when feeling depressed, make sure you employ others to help you through it!

It's hard not to despair with this condition. Alone, no one understands, and not to mention the constant, invisible, searing pain. Plus all the weird drugs we're on.

I think YES to sunlight. YES to getting a walk after work. YES to making sure you go out with friends at least a couple times a week. YES to doing something OTHER than work to keep WORK in perspective (as one of my friends just told me, "It's just a job."). YES to good food.

I think we need to hold each other accountable here. This is such a hard road, and I just appreciate reading posts like this that remind me of what I also need to do. Thank you!!

LIterally everything you just described is me, Being in denial about my situation, remission for the past few years. But this year i had such bad pain that I was depressed, didnt leave my house for 4 weeks, using a cane when i really should have been in a wheel chair.

I am on enbrel now and it seems to be working. ITs hard to get out, and i am still a little depressed about it all. I aged 50 years in those four weeks, and am trying to return to being as normal of a 26 year old as possible.

Best of luck