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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1
Supreme_AS_Kicker
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Supreme_AS_Kicker
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1 |
Yes, I was gonna do it. But then that stupid common sense kicked in as I was reading up on how to do it. Didn't like the idea of vomit making me look messy. Didn't like the idea of pooping my pants before I went. That darn common sense.
Those stories which make everything sound so rosy were making it sound very black and messy.
Then I remembered my group's report was due today and that I hadn't worked on it all week long. I had to go in just to let them know I failed that too.
Then I saw my classmate in pain and off I went to the hospital with her.
When she wanted to donate blood, I went with her for moral support even though I knew I couldn't donate. I even went to sing with her for Remembrance day even though I can't sing well.
I would be making an awful mistake. That was when God stepped in and saved me.
Thank you, Lord!! So glad to read this message from you. I've done just the same thing...read up on how to do it, but didn't want my family to have to clean up my mess. And then went to get help. Please don't let this momentary upswing cause you not to go get help anyway. It's a yoyo that won't stop till the needs are being met in your life. Also, remember that your friend needed you today. Another day, it will be someone else. You are in this world for a reason---a good one. Please stick around for that good reason. And stick around for us, too....KA is one of your reasons. 
DX: Psoriatic Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Psoriasis
Meds: MTX since Oct 2009, 15mg/week. Cimzia-restarted after 2 yrs away.
Epidural Steroid Injections x8; Lumbar Radiofreq Ablation x2
SIJ Steroid Injection x3; Bilateral Radiofreq Ablation SIJ x9
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,552 Likes: 10
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,552 Likes: 10 |
Hey Magic,
Thanks to God and common sense... I had the same realization 7 years ago now. I was severely depressed and drove myself to hospital and checked in due to my severe depression. I was not in a good place.
If you need help, you have to find it. I was checked into hospital for 2 weeks in lock down.
thankfully God and common sense were there for me 7 years ago.
Pray that this depression can be lifted from you. Take one day at a time.. if too much, will need to slow things down a bit.
If you need help, seek it including Kickas. We do not want to lose you. We need you.
Hugs and prayers
Tim
AS may win some battles, but I will win the war.
KONK - Keep ON Kicking
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,335 Likes: 4
Bronze_AS_Kicker
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OP
Bronze_AS_Kicker
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,335 Likes: 4 |
I'm sorry. I was just having a really really bad moment. I figured * it no one cares if I live or not. I am just a meal ticket for the doctors and pharmacists. And a laughing stock for the 'kids' I attend classes with.
I didn't realize how much they held me in high esteem for being the first person to ace an observational behaviour test. Then follow up with a second one. But after those two tests I began crumbling and my marks fell just about as fast as I was falling out of control.
I told them I am not as good as you all think I am. I am suffering from severe depression and unable to find my way through the dark thoughts at present. I will only disappoint you and am a bad example to follow.
well, should unpack groceries and wash dishes. gonna set the Mac to play continuously shortly as I have two course tests due on Monday. One of them is being completed 2 days ahead of time due to my having the colonoscopy Wednesday bright and early.
Instructors wanted to know if I could keep studying when I was gonna be there. Like I could when sedated. Like seriously! --> (my raised eyebrow)
- Carpal Tunnel in BOTH hands
- Depression (MDD) Major Depressive Disorder
- Pituitary Adenoma
- Scoliosis
- Spinal Arthritis with bone spurs on spine
- Multiple Scoliosis diagnosed
- Herniating spinal disc
- HLAB27+
- Final diagnosis: Mild lumbar spondylosis
Previously told Mechanical Back 'Issues'. Hate this term!
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kevin_A
Unregistered
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kevin_A
Unregistered
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Magic stop saying sorry we cant help being ill and getting down. You have every one on here as friends and we all care so don't ever think no one cares. If you feel down PM one of us for a chat and get it off your chest.
Kevin
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,335 Likes: 4
Bronze_AS_Kicker
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OP
Bronze_AS_Kicker
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,335 Likes: 4 |
- Carpal Tunnel in BOTH hands
- Depression (MDD) Major Depressive Disorder
- Pituitary Adenoma
- Scoliosis
- Spinal Arthritis with bone spurs on spine
- Multiple Scoliosis diagnosed
- Herniating spinal disc
- HLAB27+
- Final diagnosis: Mild lumbar spondylosis
Previously told Mechanical Back 'Issues'. Hate this term!
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,552 Likes: 10
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,552 Likes: 10 |
Hang in there Magician,
You are needed.
Tim
AS may win some battles, but I will win the war.
KONK - Keep ON Kicking
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,190
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,190 |
As someone tat has been there several times THANK GOD for common sense huh?
I know believe me I know that it seems like the answer and alot of times I think I am just so tired and the thought of sleeping forever is pretty darn appealing to me BUT then I would be out of it but I would leave behind a path of upheaval and destruction for years to come....at times if it was just me the answer would be easy...but what about your family, friends ect..
Im glad you found the strength to hang on, you might check with your Doc might need to tweak the meds a bit.
Hugs,
Lisa
Speak kindly, Live simply, Care deeply, Love generously, and BLAH, HA, HA, LOUDLY! every chance you get.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 18,187 Likes: 7
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 18,187 Likes: 7 |
Magic, I'm so glad you didn't. So very glad. Thank you for coming to us and talking about it. You have such courage and I admire the hell out of you for what you've been doing. On all fronts. Warm hugs,
Kat
A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
"Strictly Ballroom"
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,335 Likes: 4
Bronze_AS_Kicker
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OP
Bronze_AS_Kicker
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,335 Likes: 4 |
Thank you, Ioanna! You are a lovely person yourself. I dropped out of two classes today. Now I have the time to concentrate on the remaining three for this term. Can finally take better care of myself and not get as excessively stressed out as I had been. 
- Carpal Tunnel in BOTH hands
- Depression (MDD) Major Depressive Disorder
- Pituitary Adenoma
- Scoliosis
- Spinal Arthritis with bone spurs on spine
- Multiple Scoliosis diagnosed
- Herniating spinal disc
- HLAB27+
- Final diagnosis: Mild lumbar spondylosis
Previously told Mechanical Back 'Issues'. Hate this term!
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 18,187 Likes: 7
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 18,187 Likes: 7 |
Good!!! I'm glad you won't be so overwhelmed anymore!  Warm hugs,
Kat
A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
"Strictly Ballroom"
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