Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Worries

I need to talk, but I don't know what to say. I worry about bringing up too much that is not AS related, but as so many of you have told me, you are like my family. And now you are the only family I have. I hate not having anyone to talk to, who cares, so bad that I don't know what to do. My best friend is not really that good of a listener. He tries, but problem resolution is not a strong point. And he has a family that I already feel guilty for taking him from far too much over the past few weeks. I don't know what to do. I really need to get some of the feelings I'm having off my chest, but I worry about putting off my friends here by always coming across as negative, and I worry about asking for more than I am able to give in return right now. I have started to type several messages over the past week and ended up deleting them because they either sounded too troubling or too whiney. I don't want to worry anyone, but I'm worried myself. A person can only take so much, you know, and with my mother's death, my family's implosion, and my being totally alone for the first time ever in my life, I'm afraid I'm near the breaking point. I know you read me say that I am alone, but I don't think it really sinks in. I am totally alone and that worries me to no end. If something were to happen to me, there would be nobody to even tell all my family here at KickAS.

Johnny

Johnny
It is a legitimate worry... You are making adjustments that are the result of things beyond your control and that you certainly did not want to make... Much as we are a family here the distances between some of us do create problems and not allow us to be as close as local friends or family...
I do feel that as time goes by you will find a circle of people to fill this need... It won't happen over night but I have no doubt that you will find a circle of friends in due time...
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk more...
Mike

Johnny,

Life can be awful cruel and unfair at times. Being forced to deal with problems alone can be cruel and unfair as well. I have never really faced being alone myself, so I can only imagine what it would be like. I do agree with Mike. It will take time. Sorrow and loneliness are tough to handle one at a time. Both at once can be overwhelming to say the least. You can handle it though pal. I think your one of the sharpest people on this site. Keep your spirits up and eventually everything will come full circle. Hang in there.

Fred

"Even if your on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers

Please don't think that I am not trying. That is not me at all, I'm not a person who dwells on the tribulations life deals me. I always work to overcome them. But I am at a complete loss right now. I have tried to stay busy, you know, to keep my mind off things. But I am so tired, not just mentally but also physically. I still enjoy bowling, but my brother-in-law (who has been just as bad as my sister) just started bowling on my league two weeks ago. I don't even want to see him, so I'm considering quitting. I made the mistake of introducing him to my league several years ago, in hopes that it would bring us closer. Get this, he told me this weekend that he had called my cousin (the older lady I mentioned in a recent post that was so upset over my mother's loss), and he also called my mother's best friend. He implied that he did this just to tell them how rotten I am, and I'm sure he did. I called my cousin and left her my new phone number, and she hasn't called me back, so I guess she believed him. I called another friend, who I am pretty sure my sister has had contact with. Again, he hasn't returned the call. My two nieces have not even checked on me at all since my mother's death. I searched and searched the Internet for a support group for those grieving the loss of a loved one. There are plenty for parents who lose children and plenty for children who lose parents and even plenty for women who lose parents, but I can't find a single one for men who lose parents. That's the problem in a nutshell. Men, in western society are not supposed to show grief. And that is a crock of sh**!!! I wish I could live in an Eastern society where I could scream and shout and cry outloud as loud as I want, and it be accepted. That is the way they handle grief, not this stupid stoic way of the West. I want to cry and scream and let everyone know how bad I'm hurting. But I don't have anyone to cry and scream to, and it would be frowned upon even if I did.

Pick up the phone and call... I can listen and there is nothing wrong with letting off a scream or two or three or four... Nobody says you can't grieve and rant and rave as long as you don't hurt another... If someone doesn't like it tough ###....
Not a great believer in this men don't show feelings or hurt or anything else... Just the big stoic John Wayne "Well Pilgrim" crap...
You have friends here you can vent to and as you get it out then you can start forward rather than letting it fester and eat you up...
Remember only a phone call away...
Mike

Johnny its OK to vent.Pm me any time.It is ok to feel the way you do.When your famly shuts you off there the fools.Anyone can get through good times .Your Kickas family will help when ever you need.
Bradford

To the world you may be one person,but,to one person you may be the world.

Johnny

You know that all you need to do is PM me, and I will be on the phone quicker than slick....I will call you tomorrow night.

I know that it is hard to find a time that is good for both of us, but I will call you. Let me know what time you will be home.

Hang in there my friend.

Hugs
Lori

Hey Johnny

You must have hooked up the internet at home - yes ? Woo Hoo !!!!!!!!!
You don't usually post in the evenings.

I feel for you - truly. As I have said before, I keep very much to myself. O f course, I am married but honestly - I have very little contact with others ( person to person )
Loneliness stinks.

I don't know how to help, other than telling you to join more stuff, phone more people etc.....Get a third doggy and take it to obedience classes - good place to meet folk. If you want to meet a girl - research which dog is a good chic magnet

Maybe you can talk to your doctor about your grief ? He/she may even know of a support group you could go to. Some family doctors are excellent at grief counselling.

Mostly, I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you.

Maggie

No Internet at home, yet. My old PC is so decrepid that it couldn't handle it. I'm working tonight. Which is actually good, since I'm not at home alone.

Phoning more people, now that has been an idea of mine as well. In fact I just got an new plan that has unlimited nationwide long distance. So, I might try that.

Another dog, heck, I can barely handle the two I have.

I did talk to my doctor about antidepressants. Unfortunately, he says that most all of them, especially the one I want, Wellbutrin, can cause seizures. I have had seizures in the past and I definitely don't need them to re-surface along with everything else I'm dealing with. And, as far as support groups, this is Alabama. Men don't have grief in Alabama.

Not meaning to shoot down ideas. The phone thing is a very good one. I would like to be able to call more people more often. And most of all, thanks for the kind thoughts.

Johnny

hi Johnny,

I know you don't know me but I also offer you an ear and you can PM me anytime you need to vent or even to just bs. I'm sorry your family is doing you how they are. I am sorry for your loss. Just remember family is sometimes who you make it, don't have to be blood to be family. We are here for you. P*ss on men not needing to grieve. Maybe you should start your own group. You might be surprised on how many men show up.

Scott