Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion Friends and Family Support Group Marriage & AS

Hi Manju

AS as it is has nothing to bother you with the marraige life.

The only problem lies in getting a good partner who can understand and take care of the conditions.

We never know if the person coming into our life will be willing to face the challenge and be supportive all the times as its not a short term problem

If you have a someone already to be your partner knowing each other well for quiet some time then its ok but if you are planning now then its always a risk as we never know whats for the offering

Fertility is not an issue with AS but the disease itseld is a problem of its symptoms

You know AS is genetical so i dont think one will be willing to get his kids into the same hell of pain which he has been facing( If you are hla b27 + then is the risk is even more )

So you are the one to judge better on this what you should be doing

I personally feel it all depends on luck how understanding and supportive your partner would be

Best of Luck

Thank you everyone for your frank opnions. I have a lot of pressure from my family & relatives to get married, all this while i had been pushing it but i think i need to take my time and decide based on who, what and opnions .....

Will get back soon on this .......... ;-)

My opinion: you will make a wonderful husband if you are...
caring, kind, loving, a good listener, respectful, and communicative and honest. Your future wife is out there, waiting for her true love. Don't let AS stand in your way.
Jan

So manju, is your family trying to arrange a marriage for you or just encouraging you to find a wife and settle down?

My advice is to take your time. DO NOT rush into anything for any reason. As much as it is true that a loving, supportive partner can be a great benefit in your life (and you in theirs as well of course) it is just as true, if not more so, that a difficult relationship WILL make your life a living hell.

I'm a romantic and believe in love. I hope I always will.

Personally, I reject the notion of "soulmates" since it tends to give people a convenient way out of relationships when the going gets tough. Instead of rolling up their sleeves to put in the hard work required for a long-lasting marriage, they simply give up and hope that their true soulmate is out there somewhere.

Every couple has fights and disagreements. It isn't possible for two human beings to agree on everything - even identical twins disagree with each other sometimes. It's how you choose to work through these difficulties that makes all the difference in the world.

I wish you all the best and hope you find the love you so richly deserve. Having someone to love makes you a better person in my opinion. I feel that this is true for me anyway.

Chris

Manju, both my future husband and I have a Spondyloarthropathy. I have AS, he has Psoriatic Arthritis. Total coincidence, honest.

Anyway, a happy marriage is not about one's health, wealth or anything physical. It is about love and respect. Be honest with her about your pain, but don't expect her to take responsibility for it. Ask for help, but only when you need it. Love her. Cherish her. Make love to her. Remember the teachings of the Kamasutra are not just to do with sexual prowess, but with how to treat one another. A good marriage is one part dharma, one part artha and one part kama. I'm not Hindu, nor am I truly knowledgeable, but I do know that many of these teachings are wise. Except maybe, in our modern times, the chapter on Courtesans (because how many modern wives are willing to share ).

As the gents have said, some medications will get in the way of you fathering children. So, make sure that you aren't on one of these when you try to conceive.

You are a thoughtful and kind person. Any woman would be lucky to have you in her life.

Hugs,

Hi,
I am surprised to note your quotes about Hinduism. How did you came across?

Regards,

JAY

Here's my honest response as someone who is single at 34 (almost 35).

1 Do you think that one with AS should get married?
I've honestly felt that it would be unfair to a healthy person. I do not know what the extent of my illness is...if I will end up on disability eventually. I also can't imagine someone putting up with all my bizarro (sometimes icky) problems.

2 What will be the quality of life?
It's a toss-up. So many of us have completely different symptoms and levels. It also depends how well you take care of yourself.

3 What will be the quality of life if i follow NSD ?
Greatly depends. NSD did NOT show measurable improvements for me despite following it carefully for 6 months.

4 What is the quality of life with Anti-TNF?
I'm in a flare this morning despite Humira, NSAIDs, and prednisone. It reduces problems, but doesn't end them.

5 Can we provide everything to our better half?
No. But then again, no one could provide EVERYTHING.

6 Will AS (just AS in mind) cause any problem in conception of children?
No, but as AS is genetic, we will pass on our genes and proclivity to the illness. I do think you can improve your chances with careful nutrition and building children up properly.

I hope this isn't discouraging, but I wanted to be honest. Last night, I sat next to two friends who have such an enviable marriage. I drove home pretty sad despite my resolutions not to grieve any longer about being alone. When I stopped by the dance studio to pick up something, two of the girls sitting on the steps blurted out, "Why hasn't some guy snapped you up yet?" At 35, ill, and tired, I said before thinking, "I'm SICK. I have a degenerative illness." It actually felt good to admit. Other people have no idea the sadness we carry daily.

As a follower of Christ, I've learned to pray my fears and tears. When I start feeling sad/lonely, I remember that I'm fully loved and accepted. I think people with AS have a special place in God's heart--I've seen that here. When I crumble, it's amazing how God has lavished his love on me. I also preach to myself daily that I have all I need. When I doubt this, God loves me enough to find ways to remind me. As for my future, he's told us not to worry. I will continue to leave the details to him and follow him wherever that leads. That's true happiness.

1 Do you think that one with AS should get married?

YES.My husband loves me and is wonderful and I have told him I am so sorry (we were married for 7 yrs before I got diagnosed,though) he said it is not my fault and not to be sorry,that he is lucky to have me.I think if the person knows up front and has spent plenty of time w/ you on good days and bad,and they are ok w/ it,go for it!

2 What will be the quality of life?
We have a pretty good one.I actually try to do plenty because I feel worse doing nothing.Like a lot of people w/ AS,it hurts more to sit.If I can just get myself going.OUCH!

3 What will be the quality of life if i follow NSD ?
I actually did strict NSD for 9 months (minus 2 or 3 wks out of the whole time)I had to stop it.My hubby got mad as my cholesterol was 333 and I kept losing weight for some reason.More later in the diet.Anyway I am LSD and antibiotics now but I cheated for a few days and yes,the quality of life was much better on NSD LOL

4 What is the quality of life with Anit-TNF?
I don't know.Hopefully I won't have to do these.

5 Can we provide everything to our better half?
I try to,I think I do.

6 Will AS (just AS in mind) cause any problem in consecption of children?
I am terrified of carrying a baby while pregnant and afterwards!I will though because I do want one in a few yrs.I think it depends on the person.My rheumy told me when I got diagnosed that having children will be just fine.

LindyAP,
Don't you know you deserve love,too? When the time is right,God will send you someone if you want one.If someone loves you,really loves you,they will for good AND bad!I have to put up w/ my hubby's faults LOL.
Obviously,if your friends asked you that question,you are a nice,special,loveable person!You deserve to be happy!I hope I don't offend you.It just makes me sad to think people w/ AS think they don't deserve love.We do.God thinks we do!
Shauna

To All Posting on this subject.
I am humbled by your questions and comments.
Love has everyting to do with it. the kind of love that cuases us to give our best and to desire for others to succeed!
Wow, I think I iwll use some of this in my sermon material!!

Lon