Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group sooooo.......

I'm not a religious person. I was raised Catholic but haven't practiced in a very long time...

My mom sends little prayers up there now and then when we need help and a push in the right direction.

I usually don't. But since I've been in a HORRIBLE flare up for 8 days now, I've been praying just to make my pain go away...or at least let up some...but does it make me a bad person if I only pray when I need something? Does it even work that way?

I've been in so much pain, I was bawling in the shower today. For the past 4 days my mom has had to help me out of bed.
I go see my regular dr on the 6th of August and I can't get in to see my rheummy for a few reasons...one being that I haven't gotten the blood work done that she ordered (have to go to reg dr for that cuz it's cheaper) two I have no health insurance so every time I go it adds to the enormous bills I already owe everyone.

And it was 94 here today! I was so hot and miserable all I could do is cry.

As you may notice on this board, there are many who will say God has used AS to stop us from going our own way and bring us into living a life for him.

I remember lying on a hospital bed, about to be put under for an exploratory procedure. I was so sick...and I heard comments that I could have cancer. At 32 years old, I had already had a growing sense that despite living what I thought was a good life, I didn't feel a sense of fulfillment. Under fear of my life ending, the big thought I had was that if I died, there was no one that was going to be there with me. I was struck with an incredible sense of loss and desire for the Lord to be there. I wanted to know He loved me, and I wanted to feel love for Him.

I think I can easily answer your question. Does it make you a bad person if you only pray when you hurt? Yes! But we are all bad people. As Paul repeated, "There are none that are righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one" (Rom 3). If it had been up to me, I would have never understood my need for God. The disciples also saw the impossibility of man truly seeking God. When they asked about this, Christ replied: "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

My suggestion is to pray with the recognition that you have not known you needed Him until your pain and fear made you aware. It may be impossible for us to truly want Him, but it's not impossible for Him to teach us true love for Him and for others. He may choose to heal us in this life - or not, but I've found the only peace I have in pain is that He is with me, and I'm with Him. That helps me bear everything, and it is all I ever really wanted.

Praying for you today--for pain and for God's comfort. And big virtual (painless) hug to you. I'm so sorry you are hurting so much.

Oh Pink, what a struggle for you, I'm so sorry. It's good however that you have your Mom there and that you have some support. As far as you questions with God??? That is a tough question for many to answer. Is it possible to speak to your family Priest? Talking to a Priest or a Paster from another church about these things will help answer some questions for you. Sometimes, as we grow up, our views change from the denomination we grew up with and need to search for a church that fits our own beliefs.
How hard it must be to go through these medical problems without the insurance to allow you the care when you need it. Both my children in their mid and late 20's can't afford private health insurance and it scares me to think of what could happen if they end up with AS, both of them have shown signs for years but don't want to know.
I hope just comming here and talking helps you some.
Cindy

Pink, I'm so sorry to hear about how badly you're doing. The pain is maddening, isn't it.

No, you are not a bad person for praying only when you need it. I think, probably, that it just means you are like a whole ton of other folk out there. To my mind, how you live your life is more important than whether you pray every day. I think Source/whatever deity you want to name, knows what's in our hearts and spirits. Some people pray every day, yet commit the most horrendous acts against those around them. They pray every day, but the deity knows what's truly in their hearts and I believe that is all that matters.

I agree with Cindy, by the way. Perhaps there's a local priest of pastor you could talk this over with. Sounds like you need spiritual comfort as well as physical.

Hugs,

sorry to hear of how much pain you are in

i remember when i taught sunday school to a bunch of junior high students. one girl thought God didn't love her because of some of the things she had done (yes, even at that young age) and her mother and grandmother had told her that. that just about broke my heart and the whole class had to let her know that God loved her and that he always listens no matter what. at least that is my philosophy. would he like for us to pray all the time, in good times and bad, sure, but he remembers us even when we forget about him for a little while. so no, that does not make you a bad person, just human.

Hi
Here are some prayers that I have found helpful.
I am not religious, but I do have a strong faith in our Creator and His Son.

Psalms 5:3
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

Psalms 39:12
12 "Hear my prayer, O LORD,
listen to my cry for help;
be not deaf to my weeping.
For I dwell with you as an alien,
a stranger, as all my fathers were.

Psalms 54:2
2 Hear my prayer, O God;
listen to the words of my mouth.

Psalms 119:149
149 Hear my voice in accordance with your love;
preserve my life, O LORD, according to your laws.

Psalms 130:2
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

Psalms 28:2
2 Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.

Psalms 143:1
1 A psalm of David.
O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

I would not worship a God who heard me only when I was desperate, I worship a God who is with me all day long. How can I help?

Lon

Hi Pink,

Im so sorry you are having such a rough time right now...and no your not a bad person for just praying when you are sick, God tells us he knows whats on our hearts even before we utter it, I know at times it seems he isn't listening but he is.

Pray anyway, if you believe in God if someone doesn't then meditate or do whatever you need to do to get thru the day.

I so know about the money and the bills, I have 5 Drs alone and then you add a husband, and kids Drs. and out youngest had to have an operation in march and we had a $5000.00 deductible and the surgery was right about 5 and they arent real patient when you tell them you dont have the money..I have to take it just one day at a time, sometimes just an hour at a time, today is one of those days.

Just know we are here, and you can pm me anytime, I hope things get better and somehow you can find some relief.

Hugs,

Lisa

Heat is icky! Flare ups are icky!

Feel better soon

Hey Pink,

So sorry you are hurting. Like others have mentioned, every person on earth could do better at "remembering" Heavenly Father and Jesus. I used to pray. Now that I have AS, I pray more. This AS pain is something I never imagined possible for a human to cope with. The fact that we have been "blessed" with this affliction means that we are some of the strongest. YOU are one of the strongest.

I believe the more we talk to God, the more he will talk back. So don't forget to listen during/after your prayers. He will help you endure this. You are His child and He loves you more than you could know.

Take Care and soft hugs,
-Donette