Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Socialization

How does someone learn to socialize, when all their life they ran from social contact.

I been hurt most my life by ridicule, belittlement, called retarded, all because of a learning disability. I have some university, many college diplomas, taking courses that I would benifit from, with little social contact.

I have severe Auditory Processing Disorder, with hyperacusis - originally called Central Auditory Processing Disorder. Sociallizing means going out in public. Makaylah, my service dog, is already being hindered by my inability to socialize. I got her to help me socialize, and to also help me with my other health issues. My baby steps, although good, are limited.

Yesterday, I went to a very quiet mall, in London, Ontario.

First there is a accident (Ambulance, police, fire truck sirens sounding, and I go emediately into a panic attack). Lucky Michelle, my trainer quickly responded, and got me into my truck with my headset on.

Second - how can a tunnel send someone into a panic attack - it happened to me. Michelle watched as pure panic showed on my face -she got me to put my headset on again. So many new things - I couldn't grasp what she wanted me to do - Makaylah - grasped her new skills faster than me. My puppy is a very quick learner. I am not slow, but these social issues of mine are really holding her back.

How does others deal with socialization issues.

Hugs
Gerri

Hi Gerri
You have taken a very big step by sharing your difficulties with socialising.
Hopefully talking about it and relating to others here, will lessen the burden a bit and you will feel like it is something that you can slowly and gently start to tackle with plenty of support from your friends here.
Knockbacks like you have had are not easy to get over, but not impossible either.
You are not alone
Small achievements will help to build up your confidence.
Stay right away (if you can) from people who undermine you and have a negative impact on you, as this is the biggest barrier to moving forward and improving self-esteem.
Do you have anything in your area that you could get involved in to meet people in a non-threatening situation - perhaps with people who share the same interests as you?
Do you walk your dog at the park? Maybe if you go to the same place regularly even if only for a short time, you might start to see other regular dog walkers.
What I am trying to say is, the first step to socialising is to put yourself in a social situation - but one you feel the most comfortable in. Easier said than done, I know.
I'm sure others will have much better advice than me - just wanted to offer my support

Hi Tink, I sent you a PM - You give me good ideas and steps to take, even though they may be baby steps.

Hugs
Gerri

I watch what other people do, and adopt their functional behaviors as my own. That might sound weird, but I was raised by a schizophrenic father and I had to look outside my environment for social cues all the time. It takes a while to become comfortable with other people's coping skills, but my method really works for me.

Good luck in your quest.

Gerr, Tink has a good suggestion. Start with walking little Mikaylah. Go to the park, or down the street. If Mikaylah wants to sniff a dog, try saying good morning, or just smiling at that dog's human. Take it slowly, one little step at a time, OK? Dog people are generally pretty friendly and very happy to talk about their dogs. It might be a good way to start.

Malls can be a tad overwhelming to start with, but I know that loud screachy sounds overload your hearing, so it's understandable that you had difficulty that day. And it makes sense you had trouble in the tunnel as well. Sound changes in tunnels. Since much of your problem is localised in your auditory system, I would imagine that sound changes such as occur in a tunnel would have some kind of effect.

You've been running from social contact for your whole life from what you say. It's going to take time, practice and patience to learn a new way of dealing with the world. I know you can do it, Gerr, just try not to beat yourself up if you have difficulty. Remind yourself that you are doing this not only for you, but for Mikaylah. Perhaps that will help you get through the rough spots.

Warm hugs,

were you driving in that tunnel or walking? driving on highways, in tunnels, etc really stresses me out. if it was walking, maybe a phobia to closed in spaces, i have that too, not too bad, just things like MRIs, but can imagine if its worse.

as for socializing, you're doing it here already! and if its hard for you to socialize then you should be proud of yourself for this alone.

as for going out, as tink said, maybe small steps to reinforce confidence. people and activities you can look forward to perhaps? have to admit, hard for me to put myself in your shoes, hopefully others have some good ideas.

I wish I had some good advice but I probably don't.

I can't begin to imagine anyone who is even a little observant not realizin that you are articulate, intelligent and interesting. Again that is my take from your posts here. I am not sure how that translates to social situations, but it is terrific tha tyou are out htere trying.

Give it time. Know that some people just aren't thoughtful enough to take the time to get to know someone.

I amnot a fan of large social gathering and try for the ost part to keep social situations to smaller groups just because with my AS and one bad ear its hard for me to give full face to face attentio with folks.

I hope you keep pressing forward with your efforts to overcome your social znxiety. The people who get to meet you will be better off when they spend some time with yoy. Again I am biased I fell that way about most of the good folks here.

Hi Erica, you have a good idea (look to others for cues). I just go into panic attacks so quickly at times, it's so very hard just to focus. Everything is worth a try.

Thanks for the suggestion

Hugs
Gerri

Oh Kat, I haven't posted the latest picture of Makaylah - "Start with walking little Mikaylah." My baby is not so little anymore. She is about 25 lbs, and continuing to grow.

Makaylah, has all her needles now, so I can take her to dog parks, and all regular parks, especially when she is on leash.

I am finding one on one contact, I am not so bad. I am slowly settling to having her in the apartment. I don't stress about her possibly peeing as we walk out the door anymore, when she is going for a walk. She love the attention of people, who say hi, this relaxes me.

It's always been so hard making new friends. It was easier when my boys were young boys, and I met the parents of their friends. So now I guess it will be make friends, through other dog owners.

I am also taking steps, to look into a support group for people with auditory processing disorder and hyperacusis. I was surprised to read that auditory processing disorder, is on the spectrum of autism. I am hoping to find other adults with auditory processing disorder, on autism spectrum(do not know if I have autism), that I can relate to. I was surprised in my reading that, not all autisic people are severely learning challenged. Some are very smart, genius like. I was always very smart in math, always liked menza puzzles. Socially I was always challenged, and at times I had to push myself, just taking baby steps all the way.

Michelle, my trainer realizes now that she has a bigger challenge on her hands, and will be helping me to socialize slowly, as we train Makaylah.

I so love my friends at KickAS.

When we finally meet, I don't think I will be so challenged socially, because I will have known, all here for long time.

Hugs
Gerri

Hi Steve,

Spelling checkers, re reading my posts many times - I can get words to make more sense, than trying to speak them. When speaking to new people, especially when my train of thought is challenged, my spoken word is stuttered back to them, with what I hope is an appropriate answer. Sometimes even the simplist words are lost to me, and I substitue other words that are not quite right.

In highschool, those lovely speeches everyone had to give, my English teacher, finally gave up asking me to give them. She always had me do an extra project, in place of the speech. Having me stand at the front of the class, frozen in my spot, just didn't work for her. (I was always in advanced studies in school - had severe challenges in English and history, but made it through).

Thanks for the lovely compliment. My KickAS family are the greatest, I would be so lost without them.

Hugs
Gerri