Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion Friends and Family Support Group Lack of Spousal Support

Hello everyone. From all of your posts, it sounds like you have great spousal support, etc. What would you recommend to a person who has none? I handle all my illnesses (there are a few of them!) myself. I have been emotionally abused for years. I do not like feeling like I am an idiot. I am not dumb. I need emotional support which my spouse is unable to provide. When I have a doctor's appointment, I either have to take my mom, my brother along or simply go by myself. When I had the colonoscopy, I went myself. For every single MRI, Cat scan, you guessed it. By myself. I always thought marriage was about two people? We are just common-law but we have been together close to 27 years. There is no sexual relationship between us which I find embarrassing to admit to my doctor every single time he wants me to get a pregnancy test for a non-show period. Well, guess what? I have PCO. I've been on the Pill in the past, non-stop, for over 13 years. I have had fibroids appear and vanish on Cat scans. I feel so unloved and unwanted.

That's it in a nutshell. If you want to hear more of my story, PM. Thanks.

that makes me so sad to read

i really don't know what to say. what about counseling for the two of you, or is it past that point? could you leave, would you want to? everyone deserves to be loved

what does your family say? your mother? siblings?

could you find some sort of support network locally, people to talk to who would understand?

come here of course and talk to us, but i don't believe we are a substitute for a loving relationship with a significant other or a support network of friends and family that we can be with. but maybe that's because i'm blessed to have both so i know how valuable they are to me.

and most of all, love yourself. someone else's opinion and/or treatment of you, should not impact your love for yourself.

maybe a church home? maybe some other sort of spiritual interactions like eastern religion or philosophy, meditation, yoga, tai chi?

maybe a psychologist for yourself just to talk things out and to help you feel better? i know when my dad was cheating on my mom, my mom almost had a nervous breakdown and the most important thing the psychologist / psychiatrist gave her was the realization that my father was the one with the short comings and my mother was a wonderful beautiful person who deserved so much more.......and then my mother met my stepfather who loves her dearly. so maybe i hear a bit of my mother's story in you; she and her siblings were sexually abused by a stepfather, she had that to overcome, has felt unloved much of her life, and then with the way my father treated her. so even though i've been lucky not to have to experience such things, i've seen it first hand.

oh i do hope you can find a way to make things better for you,
my thoughts and prayers are with you

Hi Magician,
Sorry to hear you are going through so much.
When you write about being emotionally abused, do you mean your partner emotionally abuses you, verbally abuses you?
That's awful.
What makes it worth it for you to stay?
: (

Hello Magician,
It is very sad to hear that. Indeed very difficult to live alone specially with illness.
I think if somebody ( other family members) can talk or convince your spouse to feel her responsibility towards you, because sometime it works.

Thank you, Sagar. I never should have posted my troubles at all.
I am sorry.

Im just so sorry, this disease is hard enough with the best of support..I cant imagine not having any.

Does he think you are just faking? wanting attention?

Just know that you have support here.

BIG HUGS!

Lisa

He never has been much for emotion, always a loner. I fell in love with him because we shared a love for computers. He just computer systems. I specifically computer programming. When I was date-raped in University, he was there and it was natural to continue through the years to be dedicated to him. He was my protector for the guy who hurt me also stalked me after. Constantly calling me and inviting me to join *****-some's. This guy was a very sick person and I had the unfortunate luck to encounter him.

I feel my husband thinks I am faking. I have the x-ray proof from two specialists and my doctor. He doesn't believe it, I guess. I am not wanting attention. I am just wanting him to see me as a person who truly loves him.

Thank you, Lisa.

I'm sorry I wish it could be different.

hope perhaps the two of you might consider some (couples) counseling, professionals know how to get through stuff. that is a lot for you, for the two of you to have gone through. if you've never talked to anyone about it, together, well, maybe that would help? i don't know, i can't say how i'd handle such extreme events.

I have wished that many times. But one can never turn back time for time always goes forward. My mid-term in spreadsheets is in 90 minutes. Have to quickly eat something, get dressed and show up for it.

On March 15th, a new term at school begins. Another programming course will be introduced. Microsoft Access. Can't wait.