Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Spirituality and living with a chronic illness

Hi all,

As part of my AS experience I've been reconnecting with the larger picture, the mystery of life.

When i was about 14, i had an intense curiosity and desire to seek out the "meaning of life". Over a period of about 10 years, I had a range of experiences that satisfied my curiosity. I put what i had discovered into practice. I got my dream job, found a soulmate and bought the house of our dreams.

Then illness struck and it was so tempting to fall into the "why me!" trap. I did for a while, then i remembered the journey i started 20 years ago. Life isn't just a random string of experiences, there IS a larger picture. So i put into practice what i had discovered. I started by asking for help. I asked within myself directed towards the part of ourselves we're all connected to, call it God, the higher-self, the Universe, whatever you want.

Unsurprisingly (to me), i got a response. Many helpful people have been crossing my path lately, all with a twinkle in their eyes and hearts radiating compassion (even some animals have comes to help). One of those persons reminded me about life and the role suffering plays. Is suffering just bad luck? Or perhaps Karma? Or maybe it's a great opportunity for us to practice mastery of body and mind. Surely, living a life within a perfectly healthy body is just too easy, right?

So rather than fall into the depths of despair (unless you want to of course), why not choose to look at this "disease" as an opportunity to be the best person you can be, despite the adversity.

I have a feeling that many of you do take this approach and I am interested to hear about it, if you want to share.

Mark

On my very best days, mentally speaking, I try to be philosophical about AS and undertake the challenge it presents with a smile on my face. There are other days where AS or not I pretty much want to behave like a storm trooper obliterating all obstacles or people in my way, I suspect AS may on occasion enhance the gusto with which I pursue that particular days obliteration.

I dislike the notion of treating AS as Karma. Seems to imply that somehow someone has earned AS or even worse. I suspect some here would find int even more objectionable a notion than I do.

In the end, I figure I am not wise enough to comprehend any of this and comprehending it and living through it are mutally exclusive exercises. Therefore, I get to the business of living through it as gracefully as possible despite the abundance of human frailty I ooze.

I think you see the people and the animals with the twinkle in their eyes when youhave the time, strength and mindset to llok for them. On days where I can get about without too muc trouble it is easier to see them and appreciate the day and the people as opportunities, On days where walking 30 yards is apt to leave me sweating as if I had just run a marathon because the struggle ot move is so hard and painful, its just not as easy to see the twinkles as you put it. Not that I shouldn't be trying to do so, and not to make an excuse, it just helps me to have an awareness tha ton my lousy days its ok to just survive and not feel obligated to make all the world think I'm just peachy keen fine.

So I do not look at this disease as an opportunity any more than any other event in my life. It merely is what is. I navigate through it with a smile on my face because that's how i prefer people to see me and be affected by me.

I give no credit to AS and dislike, for me, the inference that AS deserves any credit. Its easier to foght the enemy when you have intense dislike for that enemy.

AS patient has moment of clarity with nature

Mark, interesting question and thank you for raising it. You'll find that a great many of us have a strong spiritual life; although, not all of us belong to a specific religion. We've learned to be respectful of these differences of the years and it truly is a rare blessing to find a diverse group such as ours that is so accepting of these differences.

My spiritual journey has been wide and varied, but doesn't involve a specific religion. I have learned from many different religions and belief systems along my path, and have realized that the differences aren't, for the most part, that big at all. One thing I learned was that how I react to what happens in my life, is my responsibility. I can't control what happens, but I can control how I respond to things.

Like pain. That was a tough one, because the effects of pain on the psyche are unquantifiable and you very often don't realize you're taking your pain out on other people until someone throws it in your face. But after a while, as I see it, a person has to realize that they're angry all the time, but they don't understand why. A person has to realize that anger is their first response to everything and maybe they ought to do something about that. Or, conversely, sad and crying all the time, which is another effect that pain can have on us. At some point, you have to look at yourself and say, "Jeeze Loueeze, this isn't good and I need to do something about it." Personal responsibility has been a huge part of my personal growth.

As for is it karma or bad luck or an opportunity ... I've tended to see it more as an opportunity to learn new lessons in my soul's growth, become a better person. Certainly, the folk here have helped with that a lot!! They're an amazing bunch. But I do believe in karma as well; albeit, more in a what goes around comes around way. I don't know what my soul may or may not have done to bring AS into this lifetime, but I do know that the lessons I've learned from it have gone a long way toward my soul's progression.

Hugs,

For the most part, I believe most here do this. There is an occasional trip to the 'pit' of despair, but most recover in a day or so.

Over my life, I've had several reasons to despair at adversity (don't worry, I won't list all of them) including death of a child, divorce, crime victim. I just refused to have my happiness limited by any of them. When the arthritis came along, again, I refused to let it color my life.

God is good. He has given me peace. I look at these adversities as a learning tools that will allow me to help others going through similar trials. Pithy quote--making lemonade out of lemons.

Thanks for posting this positive thread!

"I cannot make the universe obey me. I cannot make other people conform to my own whims and fancies. I cannot make even my own body obey me."

Quote from Thomas Merton

Hi Mark,

Good post. I've wondered about a lot of this myself.

As far as karma goes, I have to agree with other people here, that no one has "earned" AS. However, I do think we may be earning some good karma by putting up with it. It has made me a much more compassionate person, and that has expanded my life and I feel it's helped my career.

AS is a strange disease. Many people with a chronic illness suffer from childhood, or it appears as we reach the later years in life. For me AS really became an issue in my early 20's. I had the opportunity to live without chronic pain, and know what I had lost. Also, I was able to form empathy for others at a young age. I had always been considerate, but I had no idea what other people may be going through. AS has opened my eyes to know that I really know nothing about someone else's life. Here I am, I look healthy as can be, but I struggle with everyday activities.

Part of me wishes AS was gone, and I could just get on with my life. But a small part of me knows that without it, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Aly

Mark,
there is plenty of room for discussion and for debate. Of ocurse this topic is very emotional for all of us. But I have found the love you will receive from this group to be quite exceptional.
I do not blieve in a god I can conjure up myself. I choose to beieve in the works that have stood the test of time. If something was prophecied and it came true then I am listening.
We are spiritual beings. Most of us choose to encourage rather than tear down. That is why we love this place.
There is a reason so many people want to live in America.
I would enjoy a deeper conversation sometime, De Javu... hermeneutic of prophecy, ecclessia... with your permission.

Lon

Hi, Mark:


Well, if AS does not shake up our faith in anything, it is not severe enough or just not doing its job!

Sometime before I found what worked for me, healthwise--that is to eliminate AS symptoms--I found a person (a righted, albeit still imperfect servant) who was able to reveal to me the nature of my karma, relative to AS: "I built my prison, stone by stone." In the scheme of things, if You are not responsible for Your own disease, You will start fantasizing that it is just the randomness of the universe or some evil "God" who created one of his creatures just to suffer.

I like the quantum view, where not only are we responsible for causing our disease, but we have the power to un-cause it, too!

But aside from personal responsibility, which is anathema for some who seek relief through others or some government program, I have specific information about my karma that I cannot ignore. So there were "beliefs" and then there now are beliefs supported by evidence that is more than coincidental.

It is a happy event to confront our own failings because once these are recognized we can more often do something about them. And in learning about my own karma, it was quite soon after that the solution to this disease followed: This is the way of the Narrow Path to enlightenment; there are no Buddhas upon this thoroughfare, but all the information we need.

So it is odious for some of us to believe that we caused our own condition; it is for them yet to discover and they would not be here if they had the whole story.

There is a reasonable movie about quantum involvement: "What the [BLEEP] Do We Know?" I would encourage everyone not involved in superstring research to make for themselves some opportunity to see this--although it will not turn a Democrat into a Republican, it is at least a start in the direction of recognizing the Ultimate Tyranny (TRUTH).

Whether "spirituality" has any place in our lives is always up to us, but this word, within our modern lexicon, specifically eliminates organized religion(s), which are never a meaningful part of our personal search, but often serve as a sounding-board or starting point; it is good to know what others believe even if only for entertainment value.

"The Universe" had me under its thumb while I was really doing all the wrong things, and it did not let me go until I practiced well enough those endeavors that were proper for me; it was AS which was my teacher and helped put me right (well, as "righted" as I could become under the circumstances).

Karma? Do right follow the Golden Rule and express love; we will have much less disease then.

HEALTH,
John

I absolutely LOVED 'What the BLEEP do we know?' ...no matter what philosophy you believe in, NEVER surrender!!!