I better understand myself and have been changed by pain!
I have responded to pain in anger, sympathy for myself, denial, irritability, and thinking God was picking on me. The constant reminder of AS is stinking pain. NSD helps me get out of a flair, after a while, but I have not been NSD for more than a month. Even a trace sends me flying into a pain cycle.

How do we cope? I can only share what has worked for me. I am tempted to do some things at times, because of pain, that are not helpful. But Lord willing I will see this thing through until He returns for my old carcass.

To survive, I have tried denial: constructed irrational situations in my mind, suppressed important facts others should know; been angry at those who were innocent and of course defended every stupid thing I have ever done. Since we are individuals with worth and differing abilities and interests, we react in differing ways. Our loss of function, purpose and control affects how we view our selves.

Lin told me, this morning that heart rate was well above 120. I said “you are not to climb stairs”. She does not remember hearing that from the doctor. Under stress we miss some things, don’t we?

Some of us tend to have “maladaptive” mechanisms, as a learned behavior! I try not ot make “it” worse than it already is!

Beloved, set your goals for life, and then have those discussions and read those things that help you get to where you want to go. Riding in a car with someone helpful, is far different than traveling with someone who takes rather than gives. Dragonslayer / Pete and many others here, have helped me learn self control that I had not connected to my life before.

If I am wrong, and God is not the answer, and love is not the reasons; I will have lost nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have been given far more than I have received.
I love this place and I love you all.
Lon