Hi Jewel, I call you that b/c you sound like a jewel of a lady. I am mostly house bound also. I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND HERE IS WHY.
I used to get invited to all kinds of events and such but b/c i never know if i am going to feel up to going or not i usually can not make a commitment and that makes people mad at me. they dont understand what is wrong with me and why the docs dont give me a clear concrete DX and fix me.
so i have lost most of my friends. i hada few older friends who were on the same par as me, i mean people who were in their 60-70-80's. I had one neighbor who was a 94 yr old man who was very nice to me and used to come over to check on me everyday, he lived 5 houses away and had more energy and used to ride his bike, i envyed him and at 94 he was healthier than i was until he got lung cancer and died on me in august, he would come over and keep me company and we would wathc old harrold llyold movies on TCM which we both laughed at. he had a charm to him and a young spirit about him. he was fun to be around. but he too, used to say to me , you are too young be be stuck at home and feeling ill, so he didnt understand either but he was not judgemental. but then he died in august. so i lost my only friend who used to care enough to call me every day and check on me.
people in their 50's still have life left in them so they wanna go and run the roads, well i cant do that anymore.
so i stay home.
my husband divorce me for a younger model. well i guess i cant say as though i blame him much on account of this illness is very taxing to any relationships. no one wants someone who whines all the time, and frankly, no one wants to listen to me -so i shut up, i learned i have to. i try to put on a happy face and when people ask me how i am i say fine /b/c they dont wantto really hear how i am doing. i sound like an old lady and no one wants to listen to this.
i learned it makes no sense to complain cause they cant help me anyway.
i live alone, things dont get done here. or only when i have the energy to do things as i can. i make everything microwave and eat lots of kashi cereal. easy stuff ya know. apples, stuff i do not have to cook, no processed foods.
i sleep alot.
i cant have a man tell me when to get up cause sometimes i do not get to sleep until late as i have insomina. so this is the best for me i guess. i have neighbors from time to time ask how i am or if i need help sometimes i do and they help when they can.
i go to docs, then come home tired out and depressed cause i still do not have answers, i get passed around from one doc to another doc.
i feel like on i am on a railroad some days. i do not have any pets as i cant care for them.
plus i can not afford the expense.
would like one though.
well that is pretty much it for me and i really do not see things changing much.
you mentioned about your neck, how does this figure it to it all with your syptoms?
TC, pain free days are around the corner, hope is on the horizon
