Hi jmh,
I think it is pretty natural for you and Sherry to feel a little hurt in not hearing about your friend's father's funeral in time to attend and show your support.
I would consider that it's possible that your friend may be wondering why you didn't attend the funeral, just as you are wondering why you didn't learn of it in time. Often, the family in grief leaves the task of communicating a death in the family to a close family friend, who may not always be aware of everyone who should be notified. I imagine it's possible that the omission was not intentional and would proceed on that basis. The fact you found out through the grapevine is not uncommon, and not necessarily a reflection of your friends wishes. They may have thought you were contacted and couldn't attend? They may not have wanted to burden you, knowing that Sherry has been having a rough time. I'd give them the benefit of doubt, as you have by sending your condolences. Don't be hurt.
With AS, it is easy to become a hermit crab and sometimes friends feel we are closing them out, when the biggest thing on our minds is pain. Some friends are going to need help to understand, and some may never. If you wish to maintain the friendship, and it sounds like you do, I'd reach out again, even if only in phone calls and explain that your absence has not been due to a lack of wanting them in your life. If they are a true friend, they will come to understand, just be sure to give them time. AS and chronic pain is a difficult thing for some folks to really understand.
All the best,
mig
