Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group What do you do about shaking hands?

When my hands are sore, I turn my palm down. It usually catches people off guard, or if they are bright they realize something is amiss, so they are more gentle. This is a very common topic on the RA boards as everyone with RA has trouble with it. The next common question is about what shoes to wear

Wendy

Janet, good question. I've always been a believer in the "firm" handshake. I always felt it said. alot to me in first impressions. Well that's come back to bite me in the butt.
Now I see the hand coming and brace myself, grin and bere it. I just can't get it through this thick scull of mine that it doesn't matter and people won't think less of me because I can't shake hands anymore. Oh well, old school, and my generation I guess.
Cindy

Thanks, Phil. That's a great idea. I'll try that.

So by turning your hand palm down, that puts your hand on top and their's on the bottom instead of side by side?

I always thought the same thing, Cindy. I always preferred a firm handshake too. But now that my hands hurt, it's a different story.

Why are we so proud that we think we have to continue doing these things that hurt us instead of admitting that we now need to do things differently? As for me, for some reason it embarrasses me to admit that I'm hurting. Guess maybe that says something about my self esteem?

I'm with you Janet,
It is an embarracement to admit that about myself. I would just a soon grit my teeth and bare the pain than admit defeat to this desease. Some how I feel the need to never show anyone that side of me, only the strong, confident shield.
Can't teach an old dog new tricks, they say
Cindy

Exactly, it also means they only get your fingertips and can't squish your knuckles together. Years ago, I was at church with my in-laws and this dear, sweet, tiny, little old lady shook my hand and nearly brought me to my knees. I couldn't believe she had such a strong grip! After that I just hugged her before she could get to my hands Now, for the most part, I can take a normal hand shake and only hurt from a really strong one. Funny how that changes your attitude towards the old "firm handshake."
Wendy

This is a good question and I have had this problem for several years. As a Catholic I have to give the "sign of peace" which is usually shaking hands. When my fingers first began to play up, I used to wear supports on my hands and wrists. This stopped some people from squeezing my fingers, but there was one couple who squeezed my fingers despite the supports. On top of this, one man squeezed my fingers need my thumb so hard that I nearly folded from the pain.

I solved this situation by moving away from the people concerned, and refusing when necessary to shake hands. After talking it over with my parish priest, and the assistant priest, I adopted the "Hi Five" method of shaking hands. If someone tries to grip my fingers, I tell them "NO" and I withdraw my hand. I do this for the ones who tend to squeeze my fingers because I cannot stand the pain.

On the bad days, I use my arthritis gloves which gives them the hint that there is something wrong. This does not go over well if I am starting a new role so I have to avoid the gloves and hope that the other person does not squeeze.

Yes, definitely a good question.

Thank you for clearing that up for me.