Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group My mother thinks if I get a job...........

my AS will go away!

Is she crazy! She actually said this to me today!

Obviously, she thinks I created this disease in my head. I don't know how to respond to that. I just said actually most people with AS are on disability, or trying.

Has anyone else been treated so insensitively by family? I don't know why I let her get to me, but its really hurting. How do you deal with this?

Wow!.. How insensitive of your mom! Ask her "what does working have to do with AS".. get her some pamphlets on AS..show her stuff from internet on AS, etc.

My dad did the same thing to me, telling me to lose weight and my back will be better. I told him weight had nothing to do with it... I did at one point lose 80 lbs and my pain never went away.


Cherkibbs

I think that's what the SSA thinks about us too, lol!

Seriously, only those of us afflicted really understand how we suffer. My own daughter quit speaking to me for a month because I didn't drive from South Jersey to Brooklyn for my daughter-in-laws, mothers' wake. She's completely aware that I only drive to the grocery store (3 miles), about 3 times a month. I feel like crap every single day. I believe everyone thinks I'm faking.

Unfortunately, your mom is probably in the group that just doesn't get it. I'm sure she loves you dearly and just wishes what she says would be true. Hey, I do to!!

Take care,
Jessie

Grrrr....

Ask her if you had MS, or cancer, or diabetes if working would cure those too? It sound like she really does not understand anything about this disease. Is she open to being educated?

OhSweetie,

I am so sorry, but that is the silliest thing I have ever heard of!!!!

She obviously has not read or researched on your illness.

Try not to let it bother you but I know it does, it would me too.

Take Care,

Lisa

after all the effort you have put into healing yourself
from the insidious affliction of a.s. to hear that from
your mom must suck bigtime. I think it could be the generation she grew up in as well as the fact that a.s.
can manifest over a long period of time without any
outside indications. Chronic pain cant always be seen until
years of suffering starts to etch its wretchedness on
your face and body. If my fiance had to live in my body
for 1 hour, he would be at urgent care begging for painkillers. He cant see my pain. He cant see a.s.
Gina

SOMETIMES...'donating' our disease, on a temporary basis, would be ... instructive.

But I read the headline and was grinning about something--(forgot what).

Tell your mom that WORK gave me AS! I NEVER had this until I began working. Ergo.

All seriousness aside, ask your mother to "THINK: Who knows me better than you, and have you ever known me to be a slacker? SUDDENLY at the age of 26 (or 30 or whenever) I decided that I'm sick? Does that make sense or did you never really know ME after all?!" That is something like I would say to a mother so out of touch.

Hope that she, like Mark Twain's father, wises up rapidly,
John

Oh. My. God.

You've got to be kidding me. I think I can feel your blood pressure rising through the screen.
Did she happen to suggest what kind of job would cure you? I'd be interested to hear. That's just insanity. And you don't need that kind of attitude. That's just completely insensitive and unecessary. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
I'm currently dealing with a sister who sounds remarkably like your mother. Isn't it great having family members who have all the answers for you? I personally love how my sister has had a sore finger for a week, and it's the end of the world, whereas if I even *mention* any sort of difficulty relating to pain, I'm immediately put in my place. It's outrageously frustrating, and I wish I had advice, but I am absolutely terrible at turning the other cheek or just letting it go. I have to learn how to do that because that's probably the most efficient way to deal with ignorant attitudes. But I can't. I get too heated. And I take everything personally.
Please hang in there. I know how hard you work, especially with diet measures, to be as healthy as you can be. I admire you for that!

i'm sorry you have to go thru this i get the same thing from my wife and then if i do something she yells at me for doing something its a catch 22 im sorry to say only way you can deal with it is either ignore her since you know more then she does or you can let it get to you...ask your doc about it....i went to the state and federal employment agencies and went thru theyre rehab and both have deemed me as unemployable which aint good since i always loved to work talk to you mom give info on the disease print out some of our posts that show what we are going thru maybe our pain will change her mind.....ive tried with my wife and its a nogo she doesnt want to know anything about what im going thru total denial its a royal pain but i usually just let it go and i dont sweat the small stuff let them think what they want because i know more than they do......oak