Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group goodbye to all my friends

yeppers its goodbye that misunderstanding last wee with my wife is now a reality someone told her what i had posted and told her what the doc and i talked about either my daughter goes or i do.....the daughter stays.....my scooter iant working to good so im gonna pack my stuff and start crawling away....i cant take it anymore no matter what i do is wrong it aint good enough but if i die then i wont have to worry about doing everything wrong since im stupid and an idiot and an [**BLEEP**] im leaving so goodbye just remember in the the monster wins all the time......goodbye

I have let AS kick me hard. It has cost me jobs, relationships, a $180,000 house (and most of my clothes and stuff when I tried a trial split up). It has left me basically a disfigured hermit living in a dark basement apartment isolated and lonely. When I look out the only things I see besides the side of the next building are my trucks in the parking lot that I'm no longer able to drive. I have a very limited walking range. I go for days with no human contact. My employer and fellow workers have all but forgotten about me now that I'm off on disability. My family very rarely calls and even more rarely visits. It can take me up to 4 hours to get off the floor. That said, I too think about checking out - often. I've failed twice over the years. I think it took me to get to this to realize there is something to look forward to. My problems seemed overwhelming until I looked at them and figured I would break them up into little hurdles I can manage. I now thank God when I have good moments and ask for his help with the bad. It works for me so far. Before doing anything rash, wait. We are all here and going through this for a reason, stick around and find out what it is.

Hey oak,
Please don't run away from this problem. I know that sometimes things can pile up and it seems that there is only one way out. But that not the way to handle a situation. Sure this "Monster" can bring about some of the hardest and darkest times a person can ever face. And I understand that you are there right now. Yes things happen that can tear husbands and wives apart, especially when AS is whipping us on a daily basis. We say things and do things out of pain and depression that we wouldn't normally say. But we hae to stay strong no matter how dark things seem. Yes that is a tall order, but it is one that is given to us to carry.

Oak, you have some very fine reasons to keep fighting this battle, not least of all yourself. Please find someone close to you to talk to and work your way through this bump in the road. You have alot of friends and people that depend on you and that are there for you.

Keep Kickin'AS
Chris

Oak, I really dont know what to say. I am keeping you in my thoughts today to keep you strong when you need it most. I was just at the " I cant take this #@*& anymore" place just this weekend and to tell you the truth I am still not in the clear yet, my truck broke down again! On top of my mom/dad/& son getting in an accident, Chads granpa being in ICU and trying to take care of it all. That was my limit on Saturday when I was readly to leave and bam my truck just stopped. I cried and screamed... I had had enough. We have all been there and we will unfortunatly be there again. That's when we get our strength from each other.

Please stay strong my friend, I am sending my love and strength...


Angie

Oak,
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I've been down the suicide road a few times. Was dang close to succeeding once, but someone found me and here I am several years later.
I hope you don't give up and can find the strength to keep going. I hope you find someone to talk to and we see you back here in the very near future.
I'm pulling for ya. Many hugs coming to you.
Sarah

Most of us have trouble dealing with the monster, and remain unaware that the reason we got AS was only as a reminder--and the invitation to LEARN. Know thyself and overcome thyself, also.

AS alone can become self-murder, if we allow it to ruin our lives without first learning the lessons it is trying to teach. I think of the riddle of the sphinx; that, upon not answering correctly, we are devoured. We can trick nobody into taking our place, and there is no easy way out.

Not answering (y)our karma correctly will pile up more karmic debt. AS is hard enough in this present existence, with our great ease of life and so many good opportunities, but 'checking out' by overt self-murder shall result in a yet more deplorable state or condition of existence--and a higher mountain to climb; a steeper incline for Sisyphus.

An opportunity is a terrible thing to waste. Good luck to You,
John

Oak, honey, I don't know who showed your wife what you said, but it was a betrayal that must hurt as much as anything she or AS have done to you. Please don't let it keep you from us, from the people who care about you. Sometimes it seems like people only want to kick you when you're down. I promise you that not everyone in your life wants to do this. Please just keep coming to us and talking to us and getting this pain off your chest. We care so much for everyone in our KA family. You have a world of friends and family here who will fight for you the best we can. Don't let your wife and whomever did this to you win by leaving us. That's exacly what they want. Let us believe in you and stand by you.

Warm hugs,

Hi Oak,

This can't be happening. I read your message with tears in my eyes. Why does this all happen when we with AS are already down. Why must things happen that try to pull us further into an abbys.

Oak, I know how your feeling. I was to my doctor on Saturday. I came away wondering what's the use trying. He is a good doctor, his hands are so tied.

I had asked him for depression medication. My allergies, liver problem dictate that I get no medication. I wonder what I am to do now. I continue to cry, be frustrated and live with pain.

It was good this weekend, I had family, that kept me going. I wish your family could understand how important it is to have family, too keep you away from the loneliness, that envelopes you when your health fails you.

Oak, you kept me going. I hope you find your way back here to your kickAS family. Your needed here. We need your laughter, your friendship, because you help us as a family member should.

Hugs from a friend

Gerri

Hello Oak

No! No! No! Oak, this is not the way.

Please do not feel so hopeless and helpless. You give hope and help to so many people here on the forums.

Now is the time to let us help you.

I am so sorry for the situation you are in, you must feel so betrayed. I hope your moment of desperation and complete despair has passed. Please read all the replies I know you are going to get and take strength from them.

Please think again Oak, my thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Come on Oak,

Talk to us. I hope you're there looking at these replys. Tomorrow will be better, even this afternoon can be better. Don't let this thing with your wife take your spirit. Talk to us, you'll feel better....everyone cares about you. Can't you see it - all of these wonderful people hanging on to every word you write? I'm waiting for your reply to someones message, anyone's, it doesn't have to be mine. Wanda