Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Would you say anything to mean people?

I had to add one more incident.

I had a police officer call me on using the handicap parking and I have a permit. I asked him since when did MD's have to moonlight as policemen? and just walked off.

What nerve! What a jerk!


And they come in all shapes, sizes, ages AND uniforms.

Might as well have a laugh. Crying doesn't change it.

Possi

jim, aloha

to your specific question...i probably say, " You are just so wrong; you don't know." anatomical references -
pujorative familial questions-and " How drunk were you when you had this mental flatulence?"

in general...just run of the mill on the street mean people- growling works

good luck
aB

Personally, I'd go one of three routes here...one, ignore the comment and walk away...two, use one of my favorite quotes from a movie that goes something like "you need to spend a little less time worrying about others and a little more time worrying about yourself"...three, borrowing Oak's approach, kick the person in the shin and tell that person that you cant see anything wrong with him so why are you hopping around.

I am pretty private about my AS but with people that has seen me in so much pain before I was dx'ed ... they know about it.

Now if people tease me about my walking if i have another flare up.. I will tell them.. "do you want a ice pick up your butt cheek"? because that's what it feels like!

My dad would always say .. lose weight and you won't have back pains.. it irritated me because I knew my pain was not connected to my weight at all!

UGH some people are just idiots! At least we can get our health under control while stupid people can't control their stupidity!

Great topic to post in here.....I think we all could identify in some way with being asked about our AS whether it is tactful or just plain ignorant.....I once had a guy come into my office and try to exorcise the devil from me that was causing the AS....it was really quite entertaining....I let him proceed since I was curious if he was serious....when he was finished with his show and I told him that I still had AS he got disgusted and told me that I was a fraud....you gotta love these guys!

What a great question and what great reply's!

The sad thing is you should never have to worry about anyone in your family making fun of you or being ignorent but I know that is not the case. I think I would be harder on family members because they should know better, all you have is your family. I really don't understand how family can be so cruel to each other. I guess my idea for them would be if they aren't understanding or caring then they just wouldn't be a part of my life. I think with our illness it is a big thing to try and keep a positive attitude.

As for people that don't know us and make comments, I have known many people that are just plain ignorent or who are just rude. I have had the same problems at times with my handicapped sticker, most people will just give me dirty looks like even though I have it I dont belong there. There has been one or two times when I have gotten into it with someone over it, I just told them you dont know anything about me and quit being so ignorent and running your mouth about things that you have no idea about.

As far as stupid comments like you should have taken better care of yourself, I would not even respond to something like that. Even a NORMAL person should get that if you are hunched over or in a wheelchair you didnt ask for it to happen.

It just amazes me sometimes how rude people are, there have been times when my kids will say something like Mom they dont look like they should be parking in a handicapped spot, and I will say EXACTLY we do not know their situation, they could be taking advantage of it or they could be like me who looks normal but we know on the inside that I am not.

We could always get a group of us together to help these people see the light if you know what I mean..lol why do you think we are called KickAS..lol

Take Care,

Lisa

A couple of years ago, a dear dear friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, "Kath, if you could just let go of your anger, your pain would disappear. I fear you brought this on yourself by holding onto it."

I was pretty crushed. He's like family to me (and always will be) and his opinion meant a great deal. The other thing was that this was exactly what I had been telling myself for years. I've been on a spiritual quest for well nigh on 20 years and a large part of that has involved learning who I am and recognizing where my responsibility lies when it comes to the people and situations around me. It involved soul-searching, emotional recognition and alot of forgiveness (for myself and others), as a result of which, I know and see myself about as well as any human can. Yet, I still told myself that the pain in my back was a result of emotional baggage that "I carry in my spine." So, my friend's comment, coming from someone with whom I have walked that spiritual path, really hit home.

And there is truth to it. I teach this at The Arthritis Society. Pain brings on difficult emotions (such as anger) and the two can turn into a vicious cycle of unremitting pain and anger. If you can break the cycle, even for a moment, some of it will let up. And the more you practice breaking the cycle, the better at it you will become. But here's the important part ... when your immune system is attacking you, it doesn't matter how much emotional baggage you shed, let go of, forgive; there is a link between our emotions/stress and our pain levels, but once the immune system starts jumping all over your AS, it's not going to stop without drastic help.

There was a point to this story that I think I've lost. Oh, yeah, let go of your anger. I am grateful to my AS because it helped me realize there was a reason for my anger. I wasn't a horrible, angry b***h. I was in pain and there was a reason for that pain that could (hopefully) be dealt with. Thankfully, I had realized that when my friend made his very loving and well-meant ignorant comment. I just said, "Thanks, hon," and let it go. There was no point getting upset with him. OK, beyond a couple of days, anyway.

You know, there was another, very germaine point to this particular post, but it's gone the way of morning mist.

Many hugs,

Hi Trina,
I'm certain all of the flooding is gone now, and all that is left is the cleanup. Our town never flooded, so we were pretty lucky. My arm muscle is doing much better now. Thanks for asking. Since the arm incident, and since the doctor incident, I haven't gone back to a routine of exercising with weights. I also have some trouble with my Cartia XT, because it slows me down and makes me less active to the point where it doesn't take me long at all to over do it. Not long ago, I tried to work on the Gym, but within 15-30 seconds it got to be too much for me. I think it's the pill.

Take Care,
James.

Hi Kath,
I have noticed the relation between excess emotions and pain levels too. Thanks for posting this. The negative energy I feel most of the time now is disappointment, sometimes just out of frustration, but mostly disappointment. This does not make my pain feel better though. I do have anger too (of course), but anger for me (when it comes to new things) goes as fast as it came, but it still lingers for things that happened in the past... things that shouldn't have happened. Luckily, I don't carry around new anger or else I would be one mean (angry) person myself. Well, you know what I mean...

To let go is good. Most of the time it's easy to let go, and I see that it helps, but there also remain some things that are not so easy to let go of. It's hard to let go of certain emotions brought on by unjustifiable things or events, without me having the ability to forgive of such things.

Take care,
James

UUUUMMMMM

I would just turn and ask them "How could you have let your stupidity get so out of control?"

I mean seriously, what kind of twat questions your symptoms or your ability to deal with them. Yes, yes, I'm sure some people really just want to help, but they need to be firmly reminded that help is a positive thing, not a negative assumption. Regardless of anyone's level of perfection, we are all doing the best we can. Honestly, who wants to live in pain.....a show of hands.....anyone? I didn't think so. Positive help, encouragement and leadership are needed. Most people just don't know what that is.

I once had a student who had severe mental disabilities and he was very fat. I was hired to work one on one with him. The world seemed to treat him in one of two ways, a stupid idiot who should know better or a playful retard who should be left as he is, happy and dumb. I didn't like either. Getting past all his fears that I was just another teacher who was going to force him to do something he was sure he couldn't or another authority figure who was going to tell him he shouldn't have done this, or that was a night mare, not to mention he had become so used to getting treats just for keeping quiet. Every day I just kept pushing him, one step at a time and every day I told him he could do it, and every day I told him he did a great job when he did it. Finally this 12 year old kid started to read, and finally he realized he was stronger than he thought. It was really amazing to see him realize that he could do something. A leader doesn't tell you what your problem is, they just help you. The only time you need to point out someone's problem is if they are too arrogant to see it for themselves........So let that idiot know, turn the tables on them and help them with their problem!!!

Mean people suck! I prefer to let them know, and then move on with my happy life. I don't want to be bothered or bogged down by what negative people say. They probably aren't that happy, and I don't want them dragging me down.

kris