Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Son asked a brutal question

My son, who is 34, is beginning to suspect that he may also have AS. Although he gets low back pain, he's been more troubled by severe neck pain and stiffness and headaches so there hasn't been an obvious reason to suspect AS so far. But he just let me know he had an attack of iritis a few months ago and, after paying attention to what's been happening to me, he's suspicious about his own symptoms.

Nevertheless, I think he would be shocked at the suggestion that I shouldn't have had children (I didn't know then anyway) or that he shouldn't. He has a one year old daughter and they are expecting another baby next July.

I think it was something Sue22 wrote that helped me put this into perspective for myself. Her quote about regrets being mainly over things we chose not to do rather than the things we have already done, hit home with me. Not that I am burdened with regrets but that when faced with a choice it was knowing that my decision could result in a regret one day, that usually spurred me on to do it anyway.
I used to have a rule, "When faced with options, choose the one that will make the best story later on". This doesn't make for a very easy life but certainly an interesting one.
Having said that, I know that if it is possible, having children and passing on my genes, good, bad and ugly...is something I need to do. Not so much for myself but because I'm so egotistical that I believe the future needs my genes...lol
My struggles with this question have nothing to do with risk - there is always risk, you can't avoid that no matter how much you try. My issue is with choice. Knowing the risk and moving forward anyway is different. Like I tell my daughter (probably waaaay too often) life is about "Choices and Consequences". The consequences of my choice to have children may not be mine alone to deal with. For this reason alone, I believe it is a serious question to ponder carefully.
Of course, I'm only talking about my own internal struggles here, not offering "advice" or passing judgements on those who make different choices.

I totally agree. I raised my kids with the choices attitute. If you choose A then deal with A If you choose B then deal with B. I am proud to say they have mostly made good thought through choices. But I did have kids and I have no regrets. They know more about family health history then most kids do at their ages. But they will have the advantage of making an informed choice. They all want kids even knowing the risks.

You know something PattyD1, after reading your comment above, something occurred to me: Everyone of us in here might have reason to pause or hesitate at the thought of passing our genes onto the next generation. And yet, I have never known a more wonderful community of people...the future needs our KickAS genes!

Thank you. I absolutely agree with you.

haha your completely right tiredofpain!

Hi there,

That is a tough question... for me, I had AS for 11 years before marriage and 12 before Mateo was born. I would do it all over again, even if I learn that he develops AS. I think in the future there will be so much more known about AS and treatments.

I do however believe my son will see so many more problems in his lifetime. I look at the worlds population growth and wonder how we will support it all several decades from now. I believe it will only lead to more wars as resources become more valuable. I am somewhat pessimistic about long term future of this planet.

Tim

Hi Drizzit.

People have likely answered something similar to my response, but thought I'd throw my 2 pence (ha!) in the mix.

Whenever faced with this question in recent times, my answer has been - yes I would have kids even if I thought I could pass my AS on, for a number of reasons. First, the chance is relatively small. Secondly, ASKickers will be tuned into the possibility of the diagnosis in their little ones - so if it turns out that a child has AS it will be picked up early, and I firmly believe that early intervention is best. Thirdly, who best to advocate for their child with AS than an ASKicker? We have hundreds (thousands?) of years of cummulative knowledge here at KA which we can share with anyone who develops this diease. And, as Hana has said, new things are being developed all the time. Who knows when we'll have a cure? (Hopefully soon!).

Lastly, (and this ties in a bit to Alan's question), I wouldn't trade my AS for anything. I'm who I am today because I'm the sum total of my past experiences, and some of those experiences are dealing with my AS. It brings gifts to your life as well as the pain. I'd hope that I'd pass this philosophy on to my little ones regardless of their HLA B27/AS status.

Best to you,
Jeanna x

Quote:

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You know something PattyD1, after reading your comment above, something occurred to me: Everyone of us in here might have reason to pause or hesitate at the thought of passing our genes onto the next generation. And yet, I have never known a more wonderful community of people...the future needs our KickAS genes!

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I missed your post the first time... but agree with the others thoughts... this is a great post and I hope everyone sees it

Tim

You know, before I was diagnosed my AS pain was a source of frustration in relationships, and contributed to some breakups with girlfriends...once diagnosed, it became an issue of acceptance...by me, and whomever I was with...some didn't accept and I am single with no kids....I've thought not to have kids because of AS and that too has kept some women away. Then there is the issue of when do you tell a person that you have AS...sometimes I was upfront, and that didn't work, and sometimes I waited, and that didn't work...but I have not given up trying.

My thoughts were that I couldn't imagine my kids going through the pain I went through for fifteen years before getting a handle on things. Yet today, the treatments and knowledge about AS are so much better, that anyone starting out now has a much better chance at a somewhat "normal" life.

This is what I would tell everyone...and there are more treatments coming...

If I met the right woman, and things worked out, I would not hesitate to have kids just because I have AS...it has taken me over a decade to come to that realization, and I look to SteveC as an inspiration in this regard.

Peace
Linc