Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group DaninDC

Dan-
I've been out of the loop as to what you've been going through....but wow, I can do nothing but praise your actions....that was a bold and brave move. I'd like to think I could do the same thing, but who knows. That took major strength of character. You felt your back against the wall and you chose to live. Maybe those you knew who didn't fare as well helped you make your decision. I guess we have to remember that if we lose faith in everything outside ourselves, we still have ourselves to believe in. And that's what you did when you hit the bottom, you still believed in yourself....I was listening to the U2 song today, "Stuck in a moment you can't get out of" off their latest album...Bono sings at the end, "it's just a moment, this time will pass", and it was what he wished to tell the singer from INXS after hearing of his suicide. He could not escape his moment, but you did. Maybe you needed to be in the hospital to help the other people. I remember in junior high, I was really depressed over life (after effects of folks divorce), my folks caught me smoking pot and turned me in to the school, who made me see the school therapist. He saw something in me, and convinced me to be a peer counselor. In 9th grade I ran sessions with another guy for 7th and 8th graders, and met a suicidal kid who I was able to help out....you never know when your personal pain and anguish can become an inspirational teaching tool to help another in need, and that seems to have happened in your case. I applaud your courage, keep it coming, I know you can only benefit from your decision.

Peace
Linc

Linc O'Brien

Thank you Cindy,

Last week I would have brushed aside your calling me a wonderfull person who deserved anything, but I am feeling so much better now. I can see that I have lots to offer the world, I am not just a waste of space. Yes, this is my first step on a long journey, but the destination is so wonderfull, happiness, pure joy, fun, people; it is going to be worth every step along the way, even those steps that are through thorn bushes or carefully takin across minefields. I just can't thank all of my wonderfull friends at KA enough. Thank you for your prayers and that they are continuing. I think that it was prayers and Gods loving grace that got me through those first 36 hours without any pain meds. Thank you for being a friend, and know that I count you as one of my friends also.

Take care my friend

Daniel

Keep on keepin on Kicking some AS

Hi Lincoln,

Thank you for your encourgaing words. I am very glad that I made the right decision, but I must say it could have been different. If I didn't have people that loved me and supported me and urged me to seek help and tell me that I was important, I could have very easily have made the wrong decision. I love that bit of triva about U2 and INXS, very interesting. I deffinatly felt when I was at home before going into the hospital that I was stuk in that moment. I tried to contact a few people, without any luck. Durring that time, I just sat and waited for the phone to ring and was stuck. Finally I snapped out of it and decided to go in. It was very surreal.

I did meet a lot of people in very bad situations that were very good inside. One woman there had spent half her life in jail, used to do tricks a couple times a day for crack money, one time got hit in the face with a baseball bat by her boyfriend and wouldn't leave untill he gave her back her heroine, even though she was bleeding all over the place and have to have plastic surgery to repair her face later. She was not a bad person at all, just made some bad decisions and got delt some bad cards. I pray that she stays cleen and I don't see a warrant some through here with her name on it. It's funny that you brought up that I might have been in there to help someone else out. I definatly believe in God's ultimate plan, and it is possible that there was more reason that I was in there than just taking care of my depression. I had befriended this one woman who had been Dxed Bipolar and placed on lithium. We were talking one day and she mentioned that the first thing that she was going to do when she got home was to drink. Well, I was frineds with a guy who was on lithium and took some thero-flu. With the little ammount of alcohol in thero-flu, the reaction with the lithium caused him to kill his parents, both of whom he loved very much. He is in a mental prision for the rest of his life and is living with what he has done. I don't think that the woman I met in the hospital is going to go straight home and drink with her litihium! Who knows, maybe that was part of God's plan.

That's great that you were a counsoler in midschool. That sounds like it was a great, or at least educational, experience for you. That's great that they asked you to do that.

Thanks again for your kind words of inspiration and motivation. I definatly take them to heart.

Take care my friend

Daniel

Keep on keepin on Kicking some AS

Hi Dan - So sorry to read that you have had a tough spell on a number of fronts. Just a few weeks ago, your cheerful welcome and surprisingly generous offer of friendship meant alot to me. Since then, I too had a bout with depression when a dear friend practically died in my arms after an exhausting battle with cancer. Though we saw her death coming from far away, and in the end it was as graceful and inspiring as her life, the reality of it fairly broke my heart. I thought of your posts and appreciated your empathetic spirit.

It is a hard lot for us humans. So much suffering, so little time to make sense of it. All I know is that the whole journey can be made worthwhile by the process of loving and (the hard part) learning to truly receive love. It seems that extending our best love to ourselves is key to the later. You are obviously someone who knows this and also happens to be a sensitive, compassionate soul (in your darkest hours finding cheer in helping others).

In times of tumult, be very gentle and patient with yourself. As others have said, I too am grateful to have a chance to share your pain as well as your triumph and everyday life in between. I am always up for private as well as public correspondence. Thanks again for being a friend and allowing me to return the favor. Wishing you a smoother ride and a healing heart. - Patrice

Politics: the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

Dan - Thought you might appreciate this quote. - Patrice

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the “Universe”, limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, as separate – a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.

Our task must be to free ourselves from this delusion by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

- Albert Einstein


Politics: the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

HI Dan,
I too missed K's post but am so proud of you for getting the help you needed....what a man.....You are such a lovely person and you always apply to my posts and always give me encouragement advice and support.....Sounds like you are feeling alot better and i hope theres even better days ahead for you especially painfree ones.....i just wanted to let you know that i am also thinking of you and i wish you good thoughts....
Take Care of you
Amanda......



You are a person of worth and integrity dont ever forget

HAPPY EASTER

Hi Patrice,

Thank you for your post, I am very happy to know that I helped to make you feel welcome to the site. And you have become an intregal part of KA so quickly! I'm impressed. I am so sorry to hear about your friend, I have heard a lot of people say that with cancer, althought there is of course grief, that there is some relief as well because of all that person was going through. I greatly hope that is the case with you, that you do grieve, but that there is a sence of peace in your soul that she is in a better place now where pain will never again find her, in a new and perfect body.

I have allways enjoyed helping others, but have in the past many times put on a mask of happiness as to not show my depression. I think that during this hospital visit I learned something very important, to love myself. I hope that I can live without that mask from now on, gaining solice from loving and accepting myself for who I am. You are right, us humans have a long and treacherous road ahead of us, with every kind of imagionable hazard and pitfall, and there will be pain, that is inevidable. I can only thank God that I have such a gracious and caring group of friends herer at KA to travel that road with, all willing to lend a helping hand to any who has tripped or even those who cannot walk anymore. I am proud to be a part of this family.

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I am thankfull that I have a place to share my triumphs and defeats, pain and joy. And I am glad that I have shared this incedent with my friends.

I hope that your depression has let up. If you ever want to talk about it or anything, feel free to PM me, I love PM's and you could get some of your feelings out, or questions answered, or just a (cyber)shoulder to cry on. Like the song says, lean on me because it won't be long till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.

Take care my friend

Daniel

Keep on keepin on Kicking some AS

Thank you for this quote. I love Einstein's quotes and havn't seen this onw before. For being such a genious in math and science, it is amazing how gifted he was with understanding people, emotions, untangables, and also how much he cared about poeple, animals, and the earth.

Take care my friend

Daniel

Keep on keepin on Kicking some AS

Hi Danial, I just want to thank you for ans. my post,as well as
everybody else. You are an inspiration for me. I would like you
to know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you are feeling
better.

Take Care Friend...Hope.

Things will look up for you and when you look back later, you'll see that even the most trying times are what shapes you into the person you become. You were so smart to seek help and I can tell you have a very bright future ahead of you.


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