I am fortunate because I am now not on any medications, but I never say 'never'. The only reason why I am coping right now without medication is nothing to do with my own strength or will it is all to do with the other people that have helped me along the way
Antidepressants and other medications have a very negative effect on me, but I none the less needed help just as much as plenty of other people. I was lucky, several people appeared in my life, one after the other, each of whom gave me a piece of the very complicated jigsaw that could get me back on my feet without medication. but you will never hear me boast about any of this because I know, it is nothing to do with me, it is to do with being fortunate that I was given the right help at the right time by the right people. Many folk never get this and cannot get it.
And I can tell you now, although I am not on any medication, I am not fully recovered and a single trauma most certainly could probably trigger a whole nightmare of stuff. So like I say, I never let my head get too big and never say never to medication, I just look out for what might be OK for me.
One good thing that has come out of this is I can help my husband and my dad.
I believe that my husbands brain heamorhage was caused from the stress of looking after me. i really do believe this.
I don't bash myself up about it because I know that I was very ill, and that although i truely was a pain in the rear, and only God knows how he put up with me, I know I could not help it, I know I had PTSD.
My dad, on the other hand at the same time I am talking about had total contempt for me. He felt i was weak willed and pathetic. But then one day he suffered a trauma on the same scale that I had had and from that day onwards he has had Parkinson's
Not in all cases, but in some cases there is evidence that Parkinson's is triggered by PTSD. My dad knows that his Parkinson's was triggered by this. And he also knows I love him enough to forgive him for not believing me. And the reason why I can forgive him is that had I myself not suffered it I would not have believed it existed either. And I too may have judge folk with the same harsh rod. I like to think I would not have done,a nd with the compasion I have now I would not, but this compasion has only come to me because I had PTSD at a young age
Also, I know that I am only doing well now because of all the help I have had and that it was not because of me that I got well. I got well because I was helped by the right people. People that gave to me unconditionally without wanting anything back. and this is important. These folk really did give to me without asking for anything back.
Now that I have the knowledge they gave me I am able to help both my husband and my dad. And both of them are doing remarkably well considering the seriousness of their conditions.
It is not always easy for me to pass this stuff on to them. They both now get anxious and depressed, just like I used to, and often they will not listen, or do not want to do what they need to do, just the same as what I was like, but i have learned to let them be for a while, they figure it in the end. And then we can move onto the next level. it's a slow process, but it was slow for me too
And i also think that knowing how very seriously ill I was and knowing how well I am doing now is an inspiration to both of them.
It has all worked out well for me really, much better than I could have envisaged. But i still don't think the achievement belongs to me, I think i have just been very very fortunate, that so many people were there for me, and had the good sense to realise i was ill and not just attention seeking
These doctors that i have been dealing with, and some of them that I am still dealing with are enough to send me nuts. But now I am on to a new thing within myself here. Standing up for myself. Gosh this one always did give me anxiety. But now really is the time
i am lucky that the diet is working for me and my pain levels are so low and I am now not having flares and so on. Plus I have knowledge now that I did not have in the past. And I have support, here with you lot of course, but from other sources too.
When i finally get all this balony with the doctors sorted out and I do finally get a diagnosis, this is not going to just help me, but it will help my husband and my dad too
Although I am far better than I was and I cope a 100 times better nowadays I am not fully recovered and both my hubby and my dad worry about me. I honestly cannot wait for the day when I tell them it is all sorted and that from now on I will be getting the help I need. Knowing I am struggling with all this doctor rubbish is a burden on them too.
I do try to hide it with smiles and laughter and singing and so on. And i do hide it to some extent, but you know, instead of judging me, and lifting their egos by talking down to me, these doctors really would be doing everybody a favour if they just got on with doing the tests for me and doing what they can to help me, but no they don't see that, do they ?
Anyway, to stop myself going mental, I have to try not to judge the doctors back LOL
They don't know do they? I know it is all wrong, all of it, but at the end of the day, if they did have a clue they would get this sorted, without all this agravation, but anyway we will see, at least things are moving now.
Anyway, I have a lot of trust in this GP that is trying on my behalf to get the tests done for me, and she has found me a Rhumatologist that I can see in December, so we will see how things go then
But life it is a funny old thing the way it all swings about. And how we all change so much when the boot is on the other foot. And by the way in church and in 12 step meetings I have had folk telling me to get off this medication and that medication only to find out months later they themselves were on stronger stuff than I was on LOL
Love Joanne
Last edited by joannesford; 10/17/10 05:44 AM.
