Hey everyone.

The depression has lifted significantly and I have been feeling better in that regard. I have been out and been enjoying life much more.

The truth though is that I'm still really sad and worried at times. I've been through quite a fair amount of pain over 2-3 years so I'm fearful that I'm on the inevitable road to fusion and disability. This almost makes me sick to think about as I've only just finished high school. I try not to let it but this thing has dictated my life for a while. I haven't been able to do things I want (like an overseas exchange) because I don't know how I would cope away from home with this.

I'm in a real dilemma because I can't decide weather to take the traditional approach with this condition or the alternative no starch route.

I've seen what medication can do to you. I have heard of way too many cases of people developing other significant issues as a result of long term medication use. I've seen a friend develop MS because of biologics. I've heard of people developing cancer as well. It just seems too heavy and risky.

On the other hand, I had such a terrible experience when I went on a strict diet. I lost weight, lost confidence, found myself trying to convince endless 'professionals' that the diet truly worked to no avail. I will look back at that time 2 years back as one of the hardest of my life. I know that the diet can work, it's just so hard. It's hard socially, hard to get it right, it's limited etc etc.

So here I am in a place that I have been for over a year, trying to avoid as much starch as possible but still struggling with a lot of pain. Why couldn't I have got this later in life?

I know I'm complaining a lot and to be honest I HATE complaining. I know that there are so many people in this world who have been through pain that would make my experience look pathetic, but I'm still struggling and worried and all of that. It's probably because of my age I lack maturity or something I dunno. I guess the reason why I come here a lot is because I feel alone with this. I don't know anyone my age with arthritis. I NEVER say anything about my AS to ANYONE so the only place I have to let it out is here. I think that's my pride. I just don't want to admit I have anything wrong with me so I find myself putting on a smile and concealing everything.

So I'm sorry again for this. I guess in truth I'm just lost and feel like I'm doing this alone without the support of family or anyone really. I've got many years ahead of me (hopefully) so I guess that is why I'm so concerned.

Truly appreciate any advice or guidance.

Thanks a lot,
Seb