Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Prayers Please

Last night, I went to the viewing for a lovely friend of mine. Tony was 68 years old and my nextdoor neighbour. When I first moved into my house 6.5 years ago, he and Maria were the first to welcome me. They took me under their wings, practically adopting me. They looked after me, making sure I had all I needed to get comfortable in my new home, and for years left fresh garlic and tomatoes, and home smoked Portugese sausage on our adjoining fence for me to find and enjoy.

Truthfully, half the time I couldn't understand Tony because his accent was so thick, but we communicated well and almost every day, usually first thing in the morning and as I came home from work in the evening. Tony would be on the front porch having a cigarette and I would stop for a chat. Every year, starting in spring, we would meet in our back gardens. You couldn't find two more different gardens anywhere. Tony's was all neat rows of vegetables, with grape vines hanging over the patio. He couldn't see any point to a flower garden, you can't eat flowers. Mine is a jumble of wild and cultivated flowers, barely weeded, never fertilized (only composted) or pesticided. We would talk over the fence, sometimes sharing a beer or a cigarette. Laughing as we BBQd.

Every Christmas and Easter, a jug of homemade Portugese wine would appear on my doorstep, along with special Portugese egg bread made fresh by Maria.

I was curious this year when no vegetables appeared on the fence and, unfortunately, found out why. Tony was diagnosed with lung cancer in the Fall. He was given about five months to live. He was so depressed with the whole process. The chemo and other treatments drained him. He lost alot of weight and all his hair. He couldn't bear to see anyone, leaving the room when visitors arrived. But he always had time for me on those rare occasions during the last couple of months when we saw each other. One time, I was waiting on the subway to go back to work after a doctor's appointment, leaning against the wall reading, when this head bearing a mischevious grin appeared under my nose. Tony was on his way to the hospital for a treatment and thought it great fun to surprise me at the subway. I remember that moment with joy. As we talked on the train that morning, he told me that he felt he didn't have much longer. I reminded him that our birthdays are only one day apart and that I fully intended to celebrate my 50th and his 78th birthday together in ten years. I'm not sure who I was trying to convince.

I was deeply saddened when I heard that he'd died on Sunday morning. I will miss him terribly, this warm, generous to a fault, lovely man whom I couldn't understand half the time. Please include Tony's family in your prayers. They have a stunningly large support network, but Maria seemed all alone yesterday at the funeral home. Her youngest daughter wandered about glassy eyed. Tony JR., the only surviving son of three, seemed dazed.

I don't know what else to say. I miss Tony a great deal. Have done since he became ill. I am privileged and honoured to have known him.

Thanks,


Kat

Oh Kat, I'm deeply saddened by the loss of such a good friend. It's so hard to come by such wonderful and genuinely good people these days.

You and his family will be in my prayers.

Love,

Stacie

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend.
Some people say that it's easier to let go when you're aware ahead of time, because of an illness...you still have hopes for them to get better, but it gives you time to prepare for the worse. But I don't think it makes a lot of difference. Nothing can really prepare anyone for when they are actually gone and reality of it sets in. Maybe sometimes it helps to think that the person who was ill isn't suffering any longer, but we still can't help think about ourselves...how do we live without that person.
Anyway, you can bet I will be saying prayers for his family that they can find the strength to get through this tough time and for you too, because I hate the thought of a good friend being sad.
Big hugs to you Kat,
Lisa

Reminded me of my dad. He was 63 years old when he passed away. But he was a good friend of mine. It hurts when you lose a good friend. I will say a prayer for Tony. I believe he is now smiling down to you because you treated him like a good friend even with his foreign accent. Bless you .....Tony left you with lots of good memories..

Hi Kat
Your story touched my heart and made me think how lucky I am to have my sister. When she turned 51, they discovered she had lung cancer in her yearly check-up.Thank god she had a G.P who believes all smokers should have a yearly chest X-ray after the age 45. At first she was given the worse possible DX and told she would have three weeks. I couldn't believe it so I got onto the phone and talked to a friend of mine who works a a cancer centre.He saw her the next day and started doing tests. Much to are relief it was verry small an still incapsulated.If we had listened to the first doc, she would have died from Lung cancer because it would have spread and then there is little to be done.If anybody is still smoking ,give it up! Take a deep breath and breath it out, now sesne the feeling of shortness of breath, that's how you feel with lung cancer. It is a constant feeling of being smothered. If you have A/S please quit smoking, you don't need any additional problems.

Very kind words you wrote here and I am sure he is thanking you for them as you post....you really did enjoy his friendship and it was nice of you to share part of it with us. Please accept and pass on our condolences and we will keep his family in our thoughts.

Dan

>>>>>>
We are kicking some AS*.

You had a great friendship with Tony, will keep you and his family in our
thoughts and prayers.
My Mom attended a memorial for one of her dear friends today so we know
how you are feeling now.

Take Care
Mike

Kat it saddens me that such a great person is not in your life any more.You and his family will be in our Prayers.
Bradford

To the world you may be one person,but,to one person you may be the world.

Kat it saddens me that such a great person is not in your life any more.You and his family will be in our Prayers.
Bradford

To the world you may be one person,but,to one person you may be the world.

Dear Kat,

So sorry that you have to lost your best friend, my prayers for you and his family.

Be strong,

Sinta