Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group What do you do about shaking hands?

Sometimes the joints in my hands get really sore. When this happens, it hurts to shake hands with people. Even shaking hands with someone who has a very soft handshake hurts, let alone the bone crushers! I'd like to know what others do when this happens. Do you just grin and bear it, or do you take some kind of preventative action?

Hi Janet,

What a GREAT topiic!
Although I do not have pain in my r. hand, my r. elbow is fried. I usually use both hands when I'm in pain-one on the back of the person's hand. Honestly, I don't know that it really is less painful but I have more control if they're a hard/fast hand shaker.

Thinking about it now, I guess if it really hurt too much to shake, I would politely let the person know that & most likely touch their upper arm as a greeting-but I have not conformed well to social norms so I don't really know how acceptable that would be.

Since you brought it up, I will add that because of the involvement w/my ribs&chest I have TERRIBLE pain when people hug me even in the most gentle way. I love hugs & need them- I am a Hugger. Where this is concerned, I would really much rather deal w/ the pain than miss out on a good ol'hug to get my endorphins kickin'

Peace, Tam

Janet, this really is a very good topic and I hope you don't mind if it branches out into hugging as well. Actually, I think this is the first time I've seen this particular question.

For me the shaking of hands isn't generally a problem. However, like Tam, I have bad elbow days on which I do find it difficult to shake hands with and enthusiastic shaker. On those days, I try to keep the shake to a minimum (especially if they're and enthusiastic limp fish shaker - your arm flops about like, well, like a fish on the dock) - one good firm shake and pull away while trying to keep the pain from showing in my eyes and face. Not easy when you're someone who looks others directly in the eye when shaking hands.

Hugging is another story altogether. My upper back tends to be one of my worst trouble areas. When it's flaring a hug is one of the most horrible dichotemies - the hug is comforting but it HURTS!!! If it's coming from someone particularly close to me, I just ask him or her to please be very gentle. If it's from an acquaintance (usually a theatrical type) I'll try to keep it to one of those upper arm hugs - you know, you hold the person's upper arms, which forces them to keep their hands away from your back, which eliminates the squeeze factor altogether.

Hugs,

With

HI

I did once read a article on this subject written by a dr who treats arthritis but cannot remmember his name , it was something about tilting uor hand up and this forcess people to shake your hand gently .

it was a link someone posted on here so hpofully someone will be ablr to remmember.

all the best tone.........

Good topic. I also am a hugger but I sometimes can't even stand for my hubby to hug me and he knows the gentle way to do it. When someone at church sticks out their hand, I just take their hand in my left (my right one is the painful one) and I say "Sorry, at the moment I can't use my right hand." and then just go on with the conversation and usually it is never evened mentioned again. I am very careful about handshaking anyway during cold and flu season. I try to manage to have my hands full after church and I keep hand cleanser in my purse at all times. That is the first thing I do after getting in the car is clean my hands. I keep my gloves on in the winter in the stores with baskets. I may sound paranoid but I have bronchiectasis and I can't handle lung infections.

Blessings.
Possi

Joyce,
Thank you for your reply, and no I don't think you're paranoid at all. At my local Fred Meyer store, on one wall of the entrance they have a moist towel dispenser. Now I don't know if it's moistened with antibacterial stuff or what, but I think it's a good idea. Usually though I forget about it until its too late. My husband is like you, he hates being around a bunch of people during the cold and flu season. He rarely goes where there's a crowd.

Both of my hands hurt, but my right is worse than my left, so maybe I coule try using my left hand. At least it would cause them to grasp it differently.

You know, it seems to me that I saw something like that somewhere too. I don't remember what it said though. Thanks for the info, maybe someone else will remember.

Hey Kat,
I'm a hugger too, and no I don't mind if that's included in this discussion.

I give and get lots of hugs, and mostly that's OK but if the person giving the hug is too exuberant, it hurts my neck. I've just suffered through it rather than say anything because I don't want to stop hugging, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

When I meet someone for the first time, or I don't know them very well, I don't usually lock them in a big ole bear hug, so that's when the hand shaking comes in. So far, as with the hugs, I've just grinned and bared it.

Hi Tam,
Not a bad idea. If they squeeze my hand, I can dig my fingernails into their arm huh?

When some one puts their hand out I try and grab their fingers and not the palm of their hand. It works for me.
Phil