Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group I hurt. Self pity post

I so understand that! I am amazed at how quickly after my diagnosis I became weaker. It is like some sort of secret signal was accepted by my body to began slowing down and stop fighting. I don't like how the fight appears to have left me. And how I can feel decent and then tire out within 15 minutes of any sort of physical activity.

I was always told by older friends things get much better in your 40's but I am not so sure these days. I feel worse as each year passes.

Just pitiful and I am only 44.

Magic, I hope you can get some much needed rest. I would place yourself among those you deem "brave" for putting up with your own pain. Wishing you a peaceful sleep

I am so sorry that you are having a bad day, but you do have some new(to you) tables. I have learned that if I don't pace myself, I am in for big trouble. Do a little and take a break, do a little then take a break. On good days the breaks are short, on not so good days, the breaks get longer and longer. It's not fun to realize we can't do things that we could just a year or so ago. It happens to all of us if we live long enough. Those of us with AS and other similar problems just find ourselves reaching that spot earlier then most. Get some rest.
Donna

I so appreciate the "cry of pains" here. I think it's important we post them when needed, because so many of us are wanting to say it too.

Yesterday, after hitting the wall and lying in bed all day with neck pain, I found myself praying, "Lord, it's really o.k. if you let a semi-truck take me out or something. I'm totally o.k. with that." Today I'm thinking more normally and the pain is going down. Still, I know how lonely those high pain days are - and how difficult it is to explain to everyone around you how hard you are trying!

<<HUGS>>

Thanks for saying this out loud! Last year I was completely fine with dying because of the pain - not suicidal at all - just OK with my life being over. This year? Swimming, cymbalta, D3, B-complex, Omega-3, LDN... Life is good!

Thank you so much for your well wishes. I stayed up until midnight and then went to bed. Got up at 7 AM but am now still feeling tired. Am doing housework today.

I did. Stayed up until midnight. Had to change the fish filter so the fish were happy. Phoned husband before I went to bed to wish him a safe flight home. Today I am on housework duty. lol

Thank you, Lindyap, for understanding. I know several people who think I just sit around and watch Oprah. I can't stand the lady. Why would I watch her? lol

What makes it harder is how I used to be fairly active exercise wise and now I am stuck not able to do much. Just sit here and watch the pounds come on.

sorry such a "simple" thing is not so "simple". there are so many things i now leave up to my husband to do, this kind of thing would be one of them. there's still lots of "light duty" things left, i just leave the more challenging to me tasks for him. still can understand how one might start to do something that doesn't seem like it should be too big a challenge: like sweeping, mopping, cleaning the bathroom, they seem easy enough, but for some reason they're not, so i don't do them any more. that still leaves lots left to do.

hope today is a better day, maybe a take it easy day.

You know when I registered at the College and told the Student Services lady of my scoliosis and brain tumor she looked at me like I was nuts for wanting to continue with my education at my age and then gave me the 'compassionate look'. When I told her of fighting severe depression she sat there with her mouth open. When I then told her my depression is 'under control' she smiled, stood up, shook my hand and congratulated me for wanting to continue living. It felt mighty good. It felt mighty right. And I am gonna do it. I am gonna graduate from College for the second time. I'll be 46 when I get my diploma. Yeah!

I am discovering how much and how little I can do. My meds are working nicely with each other. Life is truly good! Thanks to Dostinex, Celexa, Synthroid and most importantly the Arthrotec. Also to the assorted chelated vitamins I take.