Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Not sure

Whisper of the Future
I think I can see tomorrow coming quite clearly. I can see more pain, possible surgery that I have been putting off for years. He said to wait until I just could not stand it any more…..well, I don’ know how much longer I can stand it.
The whispers I hear from the future seem to be small whispers, like a leaf scrapping across the drive on a cold winter day. When everything else is quiet, this small and very insignificant leaf makes such a loud noise. Kind of like the burning leg pain that makes such a difference in my life. There is no switching or change up but the constant looking forward to another day and making the best of today, because pain does not describe who I am, but a part of my life that I control and deal with hourly. Finding comfort can be a real test but I have also learned to find peace when things are rough.
When I was young and had more steel in my legs, I thought I would be climbing on to the highest mountain, now I am quite content to stay in the Valley, if that is where I should be. I am only in competition with myself and satisfied when my goal is not met but within sight. There is a similar shift in my behavior, I ask younger people to jump in the truck, to bend over and even to reach for what I want, and that is ok. In 45 years of ministry, I do not have anything new, now that I am just a volunteer, I speak from my heart when I offer leadership or attempt to give advice. But love, peace and concern are not old nor are they out of date.
Even in the deepest physical pain, I have seem emotionally upset people respond to friendship. You will find friendship here. Those I have disagreed with the most at times, have also given in areas where I could not give. As family because of common pain, we build up and encourage with experienced advice. We can’t expect things to come easy to us, yet just as I have stumbled nearly at the feet of bull elk; sometimes we stumble into very pleasant things in life. When I was out of bullets, I borrowed from another hunter. People, who come to this site, learn more when they borrow knowledge from others. An elk has a much broader muzzle than a deer, so they can grow bigger by chewing things a deer can’t choose. We take in different info from others as we learn to “chew” on it!
Sometimes I want to go into an alpine meadow and just watch, read and pray. But I also have the need to exchange ideas with those who have walked where I have not walked. Noisy joints, painful legs and feet cause me to be unsure at times, so I prefer to loaf where it is flat and solid. My mind has to be sure, before I take off on uneven ground. But it is the uneven ground that strengthens my joints and makes me stronger.
Sometimes life is like a bad day of hunting. It depends what you make of it, doesn’t it. Late one morning when I was getting into the doldrums just kind of walking in a tight mountain draw, I suddenly smelled the steamy stinky breath of elk! My lack of promise turned into an overload of stimulus!. I saw their big butts as they trotted away, so I ran hard on the trail and got the bread basket shot I was hoping for. Don’t wait for joy and peace- go looking for it. Good things in life can slide from our grip like ice in water. But the difference maker are the things we celebrate in life. Sometimes everyday things are precious, when we could not do them yesterday.
Living with Anklylosing Spondylitis is not like living with anything else. But it is all I know. I do get, oh so weary, but I get that wasy when I prepare for every elk hunt, but climbing 1,000” every few days in exercise for the prize. We can’t live on the fringe of having AS. But I will be darned if I give an inch of my old carcass without a fight. And when I was yo0unger I certainly fought over much dumber things than that!
I love it here! I helps me to express my thoughts. I hope something I said, increases your desire to fight the good fight.

You are a treasure. Actually made me more noble about my battle with AS just reading your poetic words.

Whatever surgery you hear whispers of in the rustling leaves may it restore your indomitable spirit

Hi old friend!

Our kids moved from Penn. and are now in Madison. I was hoping to drive over some day. Mount Rushmore is still a great destination spot!

How is your health? And those precious girls, how are they doing? How long before the dating scene comes into the picture?

Merry Christmas!

Well said my friend.
ETTE.
Darrel.

Thanks Big D.

Merry Christmas - please tell your wife "hi"!

Not sure what she sees in you; besides your darn good looks, vibrant sense of humor, hard work ethic, loving desire to make her happy...besides that stuff.

Lon

Thanks for sharing Lon.

Feliz Navidad to you and your family and Dios te bendiga (God Bless You).

Tim

Tim-
thanks!
It has been great so far!

Lon, you will never know what you mean to me. You can so beautifully put in to words was is in my heart.

It is actually wonderful to no longer be in competition with anyone. My biggest competition right now is between my left leg and my right leg.

It is wonderful to longer care that the recliner that I moved to the living room doesn't even begin to match anything else in there. I can sit and be mostly comfortable.

It is wonderful that I don't freak out because the doorbell rings and I am still in my robe.

I will never give up but my battles are so different.

My biggest battle this a.m. was finding a plug close enough to a comfy chair to live stream worship with my "church" family.

None of this even begins to say what is in my heart, so friends just go back and read Lon's post again.

Thank you dear friend. So much Agape here.

Thanks Lon

Possi-
Thank you for that nice response.
those gentle conclusions bring peace to our minds and allow us to dwell in higher places while our body is still down here. I agree that although we can be gentle and considerate while roaming this land, we are also fighting an often unseen health enemy and of course the great deceiver is always lurking.

agape'
Lon