Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Sad

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({({({({({({({({({({({({({({({({BIG warm NOVA SCOTIAN HUG)})})})})})})})})})})})})})})}) for my pal Ick!!!!!

Sorry you're going through such a rough time right now Ray......hopefully some relief is on it's way for you real soon.

And for the record....crying is good for the soul.

(Y'all gotta teach me how to do all those fancy colors and pictures inside the posts.)

Take care Ick. ((((((wee smooch)))))

Cheers,
Steph

Ray,

Been there, done that. Many, many times. The problem is we get so used to the pain threshold that when it creeps up to just over bearable we break down emotionally because there isn't any room left for coping. Thats how my wife knows I'm no longer coping.

Your condition sounds very similar to what I have been going through. My ribs have been killing me for a couple of months, especially while sleeping. A couple of weeks ago it was unbearable, and yes I was balling my eyes out. I went to the doctor and he had xrays done and low and behold I had two compression fractures at T-7 and T-8 (which relates to last few ribs). You might have them take a look at the possibility with you. The doctor was suspect because my ribs haven't bothered me for years, already fused.

Hang tough Ray. Let go when you have to. The best way to diffuse something is to embrace it.

Kerry

Oh Ray, I'm so glad you clicked on the Continue button! You will find strength in the replies here and will reach out to many more who have felt that vunerability and fear. Constant pain erodes your very soul, affecting everything in every day, and when there is no respite from that, when no chink of light can be seen, it becomes not just physical torture, but mental torture too. You were probably feeling anxious about the visit too, wondering if they could do anything about the pain, and if you'd be able to tell them about it the way you want to, hoping they will actually listen and not just rush you out, it all adds to that vunerabilty...oh wow, Ray, no wonder you broke down. In time, you will probably look back at that moment and see it as a healing event, certainly not something to be ashamed of. I'm so glad you got the courage to come and tell us about it, Ray. Bless your heart, you lovely man.

((((hugs)))) (very gentle ones of course)

Take care,

Jan

Hi Ray,

Sometimes a good cry is what we DO need. The various emotions build up and need a release somehow (regardless of gender!) Glad you hit the continue button to share.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Michelle

Icky,

Peace be with you. Cry, its a sign of emotion and not a bad one. I think we have all been at that point and I for one truly understand. Icky you have become a stonger person by being able to let go and not holding in all the hurt. Only people who experience pain 24/7 can truly understand the total weight we carry every day. Sure we do it but it can load a person down so its right to let some go, lighten the load so to speak. Be good and kind as always and peace be with you and your family.

Rickey

Ray
firstly you are not the first and you won't be the last. Sorry I have not been around much lately and have not spoken to you on MSN for a while to catch up on the news. I know just what your talking about, I have been there and done on more than one occasion. It is a hard thing to accept that we are not less of a man just because we cry, I bet Debs told you off a strip, in the nicest possible way, her words are worth listening to. Our emotions get shot to peices when coping with pain. I can say it out loud now, I have come to terms with it, but I cry at the silliest of things these days, sad scenes in a film, news items on the TV, and sad threads put up on this site by my friends.
Hope I get time to talk on MSN soon.

Stay Well
Paul


A friend is someone who reaches for your hand. And touches your heart.

Hi Ray: So sorry to hear you are in so much pain! I hope you find some relief! I hope you are able to get comfortable and that you are able to get to sleep. Just keep posting! I enjoyed the firewood joke this morning, thanks, Tom

Ray, I know exactly how you feel. We are brought up in such a testosterone driven environment, that showing our feelings just doesn't feel natural. I havn't cried so much in my life as I have in the last 2 years. I remember after my first surgery in Sept '00, about day 30 of my 70 day hospital stay, my GP came by for a visit. I was returning from another test to my room when my gut started pouring out through a fistula in my gut. My GP just showed up and I started to lose it, wanting my nightmare to end. I cried like I never did before, and I felt utterly strange, in a different world than the one I was accustomed to. I was holding a towel over my belly, trying to sit up on the gurney, embarrassed at the mess I was creating with fluid pouring everywhere. I was stiff as a board as I was not on any medication for my AS, and all the while hoping it was all a bad dream.

My second big cry was in Nov '00 when there appeared to be no end in sight of my plight. I called my dad on my cell and begged for him to help me stop the nightmare. It is the first time ever that I heard my dad cry. I was balling so hard I couldn't drive for a half hour afterwards. I was in the parking lot of my surgeons office, and he couldn't give me any answers. I am typing this through tears now as the memories come flooding back.

It is now quite common for me to start shedding tears for no apparent reason as of late. Watching tv or reading anothers post, and things just start. I feel that sometimes I've lost control, that my life has been stolen from me, and I'll never get it back. But I still fight the courageous fight, put on a strong front around family and friends and try desperately to believe that I will get my life back. The pain and anguish we all feel will only make us that much stronger. All we have now, is the belief that tomorrow will be better, and by the power from within me, dammit, one way or another, tomorrow I will be one day closer to my goal. My goal is to share my driving experiences with others to make them a better professional driver, to make our highways safe, and to bring back the respect and high regard that truckers once had. I will prevail, and so to will you my friend.

Through pain we will fight the honourable fight, and we will survive. We have too, for so many others depend upon us to help them, as they have helped us.

One brick at a time, the wall will fall........................

Doug

Buster & Alisha taking a break

Wow Doug...you have really been through it....

I just have to say how much I have enjoyed this thread....because this is the type of thread that brings us all together ....getting an opportunity to lay aside our "up front" faces...and expose what is really going inside each of us...it is amazing at how this disease can break you down and make you see life in a way that you never have before...and reading your words....listening how you laid down every thing you had heard growing up about "men don't cry"....and just sobbing...letting it out...calling your dad for help...that is the real life that we lead.

I am so glad that Icky opened the door for people to talk about what is going on inside...to share their pain....and for me..sometimes it's more fear than pain...being reminded every day how fragile this human body is we live in....and the worry about the future fighting this thing.

Thank you for sharing your honest emotions with all of us...knowing more about each other...strengthens the bonds that we all share...helping us to come here and continue loving and supporting those people who are in pain.



hugs....Debbie....http://www.geocities.com/debb92688

Dear Icky..


I will add my voice to the many others here ... as far as crying when faced with describing the undescribable to a physician...consider it the very necessary release for a built up combination of stress and fatigue mixed with the ever wearing down process of dealing with not only constant pain, but the sudden onset of newer severe pain. Verbalizing that is overwhelming. Embarrassing? Yes... to the adult who has spent a lifetime struggling to maintain control over a disease that promises absolute advancement. I look at it this way... the forced emotion release allows your physician to see the frustration and fears over new increased pain and how it is wearing you down ... it's important for the physician to understand this completely... your brain was just doing the right thing despite you thinking you should remain in control.

I hope your pain eases as I know you need respite from it. Thank you for sharing this ...it shows your comfort with the friends at KickAS. Way to go!

Warmest Regards,
Joan


I'll stop fighting when pigs fly!