Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Foul Mood

OOPS..Sinta..sorry about the spelling...SINTA YAY

Hi Johnny,.. sorry to hear your going thru a tough time.

I'm forty and unmarried and have experienced those lows of lonliness worrying about a future of being crippled /old / and lonely. It can be an overwhelming and gripping fear.. if you let it. I was married for 1.5 yrs then divorced (many moons ago) and I can say.. being with the wrong person is far harder & sadder than living alone. I've had many failed relationships and worry no-one will want me due to my condition, but dwelling on these things just serves to sink us lower.

All I can say is tomorrow will be better! At some point when you least expect it ... you find the right connection. Poof! I've found a wonderful guy - a soul mate, and tho we'll never have the chance at a golden anniversary,.. he has brought my smile back. Not the fake smile I use to keep my spirits up.. but the real deal!! Now I could spend my time worrying that he is apt to run away soon,... now that he's seeing me in this never-ending flare... but that could be a self-prophetic train of thought, and refuse to let myself go there. He will decide what's right for him. We have no control over these things and must learn instead to enjoy life's rollercoaster. "Let go and let God" is a good motto,... even if you think of God as the big tree in your backyard. Let the tree worry about it ...and enjoy the ride! In the greater scheme... you are still young with a world ahead of you. Hope this helps a bit.

Take care,

mig

Hey Johnny,

I understand completely. I went through a time where my thoughts led to a "what if" scenario. This in turn left me feeling there was no hope. Its been over 20 years since my AS began and I am getting more and more "crippled" as time goes by. I met my wife Ldy (nickname in this forum) online. She knew from emails etc that I was not in the best shape and kinda gimpy. We met online in May of 1997. In June I flew from Florida to Michigan to finally meet her. In July I quit my job and moved to Michigan to be with her. Four days after getting here I was in the ICU at the University of Michigan in a drug induced coma having liver, kidney and respiratory failure (ARDS).
over 2 months had gone by while I had slept in the ICU and when I was finally awake Ldy was still there. Something that I had NEVER in my WILDEST imagination thought would happen. She gave up her entire life for me while I was struggling for mine.
I wanted to tell this to you so you can see that there are wonderful people in this world who see beyond our disabilities. The illness from 97 did not make my AS any worse but have a ton of other complications from it. She is still here, through the good and the bad. My disability has now become a blessing. If I were not disabled I would not have ever had the time to explore my creative side through my artwork. When one door is slammed in your face other doors open. Good can come from bad my friend.

Bob

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Behold the beauty of Orca Art

Hey Johnny, the anger thing is all a part of the process of healing. Sure it sounds nuts and you'll probably think I'm nuts for saying it, but it's something I'm aware of from my nursing experience and I'm certainly glad that I knew about it before I had to experience the journey myself. Helped me feel sane during times that weren't outwardly so.

It's ok Johnny. It's normal. It's getting us from one place to another, and hopefully to a calmer one where acceptance lies.

I can understand your feelings and fears of lonliness, but maybe aim to feel comfortable in your own skin and then focus on partnership.

One vivid image I have from my past is sitting on a windowsill on a warm summer's day thinking I was destined to be alone in this world, ending up an old lady alone with numerous cats (who let's face it could tell humans a thing a two about love and acceptance).
I was 23 at the time, so maybe not you typical early-twenties-think but one thing it showed me was never to rely on anyone else for happiness (and more importantly, never compromise your own happiness for someone else's terms and conditions)

I've had a relationship come and go since then (my friends were glad - said I was like a Stepford wife ) and although I'm in another now, if push came to shove I'd rather be alone than have to endure an unhappy relationship. Stepford wife no more for me....lol.

If it happens it happens, Johnny. Don't ever think you're less of a person because you're not with someone.

"I don't want to be your other half, I believe that one and one make two" (Wise words from Alanis)

Take care,

Jan

Hi Liz,

You, Me and Rox .......... sounds like KickAS's Angels .

Hugs, Sinta

Wow, you get to be my first! My first post to someone here! Don't you feel honored? LOL!

Seriously, first of all, thanks so much for also being the first to welcome me today. It might not seem it to you guys, but I'm really alone and those 16 welcomes meant a lot to me. This is a pretty tough time in life for me.

I don't know you at all, Johnny, but I can hear myself in your words. I really wonder what the future holds for me, too. I'm like you -- lousy at love, and sure I'll be single forever. My only surviving child (I lost 4 at birth) treats me like garbage because I had the nerve to get sick. (She actually thinks I'm faking -- one day I leaned over and unplugged something, and she said, "Caught ya! Looks like you can bend over pretty good when you think no one is around!" Bit--!!! I raised this kid alone, gave her the world. Yeah, I'm just on cloud nine. Maybe 3,000 miles away in Quebec is a good place for her until she grows up!)

I also know what you're saying about people who aren't in your shoes (those with family not understanding how you feel). I heard someone tell a childless woman the other day that even though she can't have her own kids, she can love the neighbor kids as a replacement! Oh, yeah, that's the same thing! We never understand what others are going through, but I do know that 50-odd people care a lot about you -- I think that was how many responses there were to your post.

Just lost my job (full-time teaching at a high school -- let go when I got sick), so now I teach college part time, and don't even make the bills each month. Another worry.

But you know what? When I have the darkest days of all, and think there is nothing for me in the whole world, and life sucks completely, something -- just some little thing -- will come along and show me that I'm NOT alone, that people DO care, and that I WILL go on. You will. People care about you here -- that's a lot.

Not sure how to end this, but to say I'm thinking of you, and sending positive thoughts your way. Hang on with the rest of us -- we can do it together.

Finally, I think that all of us singles need to get a big house to share. That'd be WAY cool! I vote NM -- very dry and warm here, always sunny . . . and the border is close (can't you see a vanful of gimps cruising into Mexico?). This is it, singles -- start planning!

Take care, Johnny, and let me know how you're doing,

Patty

Are we ever the Kickas Angels Sinta! that made me smile from ear to ear. Yes, they'll have to use that old pick up line,"Do you have a quarter? I have to call heaven and tell them that three of their angels have fallen into my heart!"(or something like that) around us wont they!!!Thanks Sinta..so charming.
Love Liz