Cindy - I want you to know that I am listening and sending you a hug. I do not think you are wrong to complain. You are in a lot of pain in spite of all of the wonderful things in your life. Sometimes I find that it helps me when I am in a lot of pain to just allow my mind to stay with the pain for a moment - to meditate on the pain, so to speak - face it dead on. Then, after a few moments of doing that I am able to move into a more positive space in my mind. I think it's extremely important to acknowledge how you are feeling to yourself - you should not feel guilty for experiencing what is real. And, I think that allowing yourself to experience the pain helps you to be strong in dealing with it.