All right everyone, Here's the scoop.
Very late on Tuesday night I, for no reason, hit rock bottom of depression. I had been doing really well up to that point, but that night I really didn't want to live anymore. I decided that instead of breaking promises and hurting a lot of people, and making a perminate solution to a temporary problem, that I would go and check myself into the hospital for treatment. I just didn't feel safe at home by my self and didn't really want to talk to anyone because I knew I would most likly feel a little better after talking and then wind up at rock bottom again that same night, and maybe back out of getting treatment.
So I went intoo the ER, and actually had to convince them that I needed to be in for treatment. The Psyc kept on saying, "now, your absolutly sure that if you went home you might have thoughts of suicied?" [laugh2} Duh, that's why I'm here buddy! At first it didn't start off well, I felt better for taking the proactive step of seeking treatment, but it was 36 hours untill I got pain meds, and the beds/pillows were TERRIBLE! My AS hurt like a mo-fo. But once I got some meds it came down to bearable, adn I was able to focus on getting better.
I thiink the most helpfull part was the fact that I had broken the cycle by deciding to seek treatment. That really changed my mindset to a more proactive, positve, non-procrastinating one. Also the fact that I got a chance to take a break from the toils of life and get my &*^(* together was very helpfull. There were a lot of group meetings where I learned a lot of helpfull advice, and there were lots of really good patients, nice people with a lot to offer the world. I was also able to help a lot of the patients out, and even might have saved one of their lives.
(This one woman was bipolar and going to be sent home on lithium. She told me that when she went home she planned to celebrate with some drinks. Lithium and alco is a really bad mix. I personally know someone who took lithium with the little ammount of alcohol in thera-flu, he wound up killing both of his parrents whom he loved dearley, and is in a mental institution for the rest of his life.)
By the time I got discharged, I fealt much better, in fact I feel better than I have in months. I am going to be able to fight this depression, this artheritus, these marriage problems, work issues. I'm going to be able to get back my life.
I want to thank Krystyn for letting everyone know where I was and for getting my e-mail out. I also want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts, prayers, and hugs. I think your prayers is what kept me strong durring those 36 hours of terrible pain with no medicine. Some of the support groups asked what kind of support do you have on the outside. Well, when I loged on and saw the inconceviable number of PM's, replies to this post, and even phone messages, I knew (like I did before, just more so) that you guys are 500 of my best friends, even my family, that I have. That gave me even more strength to take on this world we toil through every day. Thank you all so much. I appoligize if it takes a while to respond to some of the PM's as there are so many.
I love you all, and may God's blessings touch each and every one of you.
Take care my friends
Daniel
Keep on keepin on Kicking some AS
