Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Help

Hi Kat

Sorry I havn't answered but I feel very inadequate.
My heart goes out to those who are mentally ill. It really does.
Scizophrenia is so scary and unpredictable and dangerous though. I too would say that the only option here, for the safety of your sister and her daughters is that she must stop seeing him. I would even go so far as to suggest that she should move elsewhere for a while.
So sorry you are all going through this.
You must be very scared.

HUGS
Maggie

hi Im soory I havent posted befor now having a Scizophrenic
mother this was a hrd post to reply to my mom has delusions about having achild and she does not have any boy friends or any thing like that and its ghard because when you confront here about it she can get vilent so I know what its like to live with Scizophrenia exspeshaly when they are not on meds I hope your sister is getting the help she needs I also pray that the boy friend may find afriend that he can talk to I agree that your sister needs to have the strength to leav on here own but not showing friendship to the boyfriend can make his deliusions worstI hope I have not steped on any toes in this post and may the lord help you through this trial in your lives

Hi Darrel, thank you for your honesty. This is the same as indicated to my sweetie when he talked to the police the night it happened. We are doing what we can to convince her of this.

Warm hugs,

Maggie, thank you.

We are all very frightened. Sis swears that he is going into treatment and trying a new med. My youngest niece told us Saturday night that she doesn't want to live in the house if the boyfriend is there. Mum has assured her that both of them have a home with her while we work through all of this. Their father is fine with that, especially since their lives are in Mum's town (school, friends, etc.). However, he is also happy to have them, as am I, as is their father's sister. As far as we're concerned, my youngest niece's statement that "I don't need this again," pretty much says it all. Neither of them do, none of us do.

I know what you mean about feeling inadequate to comment on this. So do I. So do we all. The more we learn, the more inadequate we feel. But we are a strong bunch and as heart-broken as we are, we are determined to find the most positive way through this possible. There is no doubt in any of our minds about the boyfriend's future in my sister's life. The crux is to convince her of that.

Warm hugs,

Hello, soor hiker, and welcome to KA. Thank you so much for your post.

I am so sorry you have had to live with this through your mom. That must be horrible and painful beyond. Thank you for telling me about her.

Warm hugs,

Hey all, thought I'd update. Mum and I are holding on, just.

Friday, my sister convinced the girls that it would all be all right. The boyfriend would be getting treatment and trying a new med. They said that was fine. Saturday, my youngest niece called Mum from her dad's house. It is not all right with them. Neither of them wants to live in that house if he's there. She needed reassurance from Mum that they had a place with her, which of course she was given straight away. My oldest niece isn't talking. Still. They both have counsellor visits today at school.

We adults had long talks all weekend. Mum and my stepdad are completely prepared to have the girls live with them as long as it's needed. Their dad is fine with that. On Sunday, my sweetie called a friend of our who's an attorney. He told us that Mum could apply for interrim custody through children's aid. Better she do it outright, rather than waiting for children's aid to be called by someone else. Given the circumstances, the girls' opinions (which at the ages of 13 and almost 15 would have weight), Mum's willingness and the fact that she lives in the same town, and their father's willingness, it would probably go very smoothly. My sister's doctor at the facility has raised the issue of children's aid to my sister, by the way.

The doctor advised Mum that now is the time to raise difficult issues, as my sister is where she can get help. Waiting would be worse. So, tomorrow, Mum, the girls and the doctor are going to meet with my sister and she will be told the girls' wishes in this and that they want to live with Mum as long as the boyfriend is in the house. Mum's also asked me to talk to the doctor today, as she feels I have slightly more info on the events of the past month leading to last Saturday week.

There are no more secrets. The entire family now knows what's happened. My sister is going to have to learn to cope with that and the fact that everyone loves her and is worried for her and the girls. The support from my aunts, uncles and cousins (according to the one I spoke with yesterday) has been awesome. But that's our family. We rally round when one of us is in trouble.

The boyfriend's father is now in protect the boyfriend mode. He was very willing to talk to my sweetie and me quite openly, but will not talk to my mother. He won't give her any information at all about the boyfriend, or what the girls have been dealing with. Frankly, he's an enabling a$$ and I'd like to give him a piece of my mind. He flat out told my sweetie that he doesn't think he should have to deal with his son's problems anymore, that after 35 years he's had enough. If his son wanted to kill himself, he'd help him. That his son has been in and out of mental facilities and knows how to work the system. The impression my sweetie got was that the father felt it was now my sister's responsibility. That he's unwilling to be honest with my mother is just part of that selfishness. Mental illness being verbotten to discuss, keep it secret, hush hush, nobody should know. Idiot. Keeping it hidden is what leads to lack of understanding. It's an archaic idea that should be dropped from society. The only reason people don't want to be open about it is because they're afraid it will reflect badly on them if anybody knows a family member has a mental illness. It certainly has nothing to do with the patient.

Anyway, that's it for the moment.

Thank you all again. It's a truly horrific time in our lives and you all have been, well, you've just been yourselves and that's perfect.

Warm hugs,

Hi Kat
I think the Doctors are correct in saying you should put all this to your sister while she is in there care because they know how to treat her reaction. Allso she is protected and safe there so if he was to react badly to what is happening the Doctors can use this against him. If he gets nasty and he could because people with this illness cant stop themselves no matter where they are she is protected.I think it is right that the children live with your mother untill it is definate that he has gone for good. The problem is they tend to come back and unless he is certified Im afraid he will. You all have my deepest sympathy for what your going through please be carefull all of you. I would say this man is very unpredictable.
Kevin

Thank you, Kevin. For everything.

The other good thing is that my sister is talking for the first time in her life. We are learning things that we never knew before. The doctor asked if there was anyone who knew her well that he could talk to. My sister said that there is nobody. Nobody knows her because she doesn't talk to anybody, my mother included. She's right. And that's sobering. Mum is devastated. She's angry with my sister for doing this, and heart-broken that she should be so desperate as to do this.

As for me, I haven't reached anger at my sister yet. I'm using my anger to keep me going sometimes, so I haven't really examined it yet. My sweetie thinks I am, tho, angry at my sister, I mean. Although, I will admit that when I think of my nieces and what this is doing to them, I come close. I'm still mostly saddened by it.

Warm hugs,

Kat I dont know your sister but I would say a lot of this comes from fear. I knew a man years ago who was Schizophrencic a rough diamond but a really nice person so I thought . I wont say what he did but it was the worst you can imagine which is why I say you must ALL be very carefull please.
Kevin

Hy, Kevin. That's our fear.

Warm hugs,