A couple of years ago, a dear dear friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, "Kath, if you could just let go of your anger, your pain would disappear. I fear you brought this on yourself by holding onto it."
I was pretty crushed. He's like family to me (and always will be) and his opinion meant a great deal. The other thing was that this was exactly what I had been telling myself for years. I've been on a spiritual quest for well nigh on 20 years and a large part of that has involved learning who I am and recognizing where my responsibility lies when it comes to the people and situations around me. It involved soul-searching, emotional recognition and alot of forgiveness (for myself and others), as a result of which, I know and see myself about as well as any human can. Yet, I still told myself that the pain in my back was a result of emotional baggage that "I carry in my spine." So, my friend's comment, coming from someone with whom I have walked that spiritual path, really hit home.
And there is truth to it. I teach this at The Arthritis Society. Pain brings on difficult emotions (such as anger) and the two can turn into a vicious cycle of unremitting pain and anger. If you can break the cycle, even for a moment, some of it will let up. And the more you practice breaking the cycle, the better at it you will become. But here's the important part ... when your immune system is attacking you, it doesn't matter how much emotional baggage you shed, let go of, forgive; there is a link between our emotions/stress and our pain levels, but once the immune system starts jumping all over your AS, it's not going to stop without drastic help.
There was a point to this story that I think I've lost. Oh, yeah, let go of your anger. I am grateful to my AS because it helped me realize there was a reason for my anger. I wasn't a horrible, angry b***h. I was in pain and there was a reason for that pain that could (hopefully) be dealt with. Thankfully, I had realized that when my friend made his very loving and well-meant ignorant comment. I just said, "Thanks, hon," and let it go. There was no point getting upset with him. OK, beyond a couple of days, anyway.
You know, there was another, very germaine point to this particular post, but it's gone the way of morning mist.
Many hugs,
