I hear you about SteveC being an inspiration. There are quite a few loving parents in here and I often think of them when I'm pondering these questions.
As for when to tell people...of course you know more about that than I would. I was engaged when I got sick and she wanted to marry me anyway? To me, it's a bit like being engaged when you win a lottery...you won't ever have to wonder if was you or your money.
My philosophy is and always was to give people the facts right up front and see what happens. Take politics as an example, I'd tell someone I thought I might want to spend time with about my politics - if they ran in the other direction then it was probably a good thing to know about sooner than later. If religion was really important to me, then that would be something to bring up early as well. This is not to say that such things are good ice-breakers, "Hi, I'm Linc, I have AS. Wanna dance"? Like I said earlier, I have no doubt that you already know all of this.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'd rather err on the side of too early than too late. At least with the too early option, no one could accuse me of being dishonest.
