Thank you so much for posting this, Kat. Well said.
Last weekend, I visited my sister who recently injured her shoulder causing her a moderate about of pain and lack of function. Did I say to her, "Big whoop! One shoulder. Quit whining. I have problems with both shoulders, both elbows, both wrists, both hands, my neck, both hips, my SI... (I could go on and on, but you get the idea.)"
I did not say that. I expressed concern about her shoulder and empathized and let it go at that. Her shoulder is genuinely distressing to her and rightly so.
That's not to say that a part of me didn't want to comment in a dismissive way. I'm human. Part of me is angry about what is happening to me and jealous of people who are relatively healthy. I have to be constantly vigilant to be keep myself from responding to people from that part of myself, the part that would compare my pain to others and tell them they have nothing wrong with them.
Nor does the fact that my sister brought up her shoulder to me diminish my very real pain. It's not a competition. Pain is pain. Lack of function is lack of function. Everyone carries the burden they carry.
Moreover, it is imporant to remember: YOU NEVER KNOW THE WHOLE STORY. People post about their challenges at kickas, but there is always more than what they are saying. Perhaps that person is on the verge of a divorce or was abused as a child or is about to lose her health insurance.
Be gentle. Be compassionate. You never know what burdens people are carrying and what hurt you can cause someone.
Karen
