John, I am so sorry that you have had to live with this too, in your family (and Steve, I forgot to mention this when I responded to you). You hear about paranoid schizophrenia, but it's impossible to know what it really is until you experience it. My sister asked that I check out Dr. Xavier Amador to get some understanding of it and what she's been dealing with since the boyfriend came into her life.
The police officer at the hospital gave us a card for family crisis support services. They do everything from getting you groceries, to feeding your cats, to counselling during crisis. Unfortunately, the women's shelters in the area leave something to be desired. The nurses at the hospital told Mum that if my sister called a shelter, make sure she talked to one of the women there, not one of the male volunteers who, apparently, don't get it. No disrespect to men in general, just to the ones the nurse was talking about.
The idea of deprogramming has also been raised, along the lines of an intervention (word used by the officer my sweetie and stepdad talked to). My sweetie has offered to look into this for the family. Mum isn't ready to go that route yet. I'd hate to think something this drastic would be required, as my sister is highly intelligent and generally pretty level-headed. At least, she's always seemed to be pretty level-headed, which has got in the way of her getting therapy on the occasions when she's gone for some as the therapists all tell her she doesn't need help. At least they won't be sloughing her off quite so easily anymore.
Luckily, she liked the psychiatrist she saw last week, so we're hoping that she will continue going when she gets out of the facility. This one took her seriously, probably because she was hardly able to talk for crying when she got there.
We knew the boyfriend had something, which we thought was bi-polar, but other than seeming a bit out of it now and then, and guzzling alcohol on occasion (I mean a 26er of scotch in about an hour and a half at his birthday last year), we really had no idea how serious it was. He generally has seemed OK and obviously in love with my sister. He makes her laugh and feel attractive, which she hasn't felt in years, and they talk all the time. He's supported her in some rough periods and shares her passions. We all kind of hoped that it would be good. How wrong we were. And there have been signs this past year that she does see him pretty clearly, including asking us not to fill his wine glass when he wanted more, but to only give him a bit. Frankly, Mum's taken to hiding the wine when he's around. When she called me two weeks ago, she was clear on one thing, he would not be coming back and she hoped he would be in hospital for a long time so he could get the treatment he needs. I have to wonder how many times he's threatened to kill himself since they met, as I'm relatively certain that's one thing she couldn't bear to live with.
Thank you, too, for being frank with me, John. All of you here at KA have no idea how much I appreciate you all.
Warm hugs,
