Hi Johnny,
Firstly, I want to send you HUGE APPLAUSE for being so direct and honest, right down to the bone, you HIT IT!!! I am full of admiration for writing what a lot of singles have thought at times, but feel they have to cover up and be all positive and smiley and supportive and be 'the good single friend!' I am exactly where you are, including the RAGE, about being single and my Mom, who is mostly pretty supportive, is in her 70's now and is very healthy, she sometimes finds my AS a bother, as she is very active and wants to do things all the time and gets annoyed with me when I can't. Things got so tense between us (for a long time she wouldn't accept that I was a s ill as I was) that I realized I had to find support in another way and just do 'fun' things with her. So I've moved and am now attempting to build a new life. The single thing is hitting me really hard, and my friends are all falling in love and gushing and I'm having a really hard time coping. I too am afraid for the future and find myself alone a lot. So thanks for writing with such force a lot of things that I am going through, but didn't have the guts to talk about. You're awesome!!!! Look at the responses that you got!!!!!! I think just being so direct about it is a huge start for you Johnny! I've had to go into therapy about this single thing, and trying to face AS alone (I had a lot of male attention before I got AS, and then I got such a severe case of it..NADA..obviously I wasn't meeting cool people with any depth..just shallow types who only go for the image..and when my image changed they just turned away.grrrrrrrrr.) In therapy, i have to let it rip about how angry I am about all the losses around partners and I actually feel a teeny bit better, but it's going to take a while. So reading your post the tears just streamed down my face and I felt so grateful to you. And I feel so grateful for all the people who responded in so many ways..those people were helping me too without knowing it. Clearly you are not alone in this single pain and just the sheer courage to put a cool spin on an awful thing, the way Linc suggests..you're a sweetie-pie Linc..thanks for the support around the reject notion..I guess I feel pretty rejected by men right now and you comments made me smile from ear to ear......it was all so inspiring. The couple made some good points too...that sometimes partners can be awfula bout AS and do some pretty dastardly things that can make life worse..rather than better. Another thing that I think your dealing with is societies bul-[####] little head-game brain-washing that only a partner will be there for us, heal our lonliness and help us when we need help. I've found we are so inundated with this kind of crap that people have bought it and DO only look out for their partners and families and have friends for entertainment! It's AWFUL!!!!!And puts soooo much pressure on finding a partner and if we can't find one then we end up alone. WELL I"M FIGHTING THAT ONE BIG TIME!!!!! I'm creating a new circle of friends as we speak and I'm being very honest about my needs and that I NEED HELP SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!! and I am not just a party favour. So as a result the real friends are stickin' around and the others just take off. It's going pretty well actually, but I have to still fight the illusion daily that a partner is the answer and that I would be all better if I had one...when the couples with AS say, at least I have my hubby..kids..etc to hold onto..I wouldn't make it without them...I can feel very very lonely and desperate..but now i can think about the awesome people's responses on this post and it gives me a little edge to fight the despair with. Especially the single's folks cool attitudes. Hey maybe we should start a singles forum on this site..so we can rant and rave and cry together and try to buck each other up. Couples of course would be allowed to write in when partners are NOT being supportive..so they could get in on the ranting too. Now that would be proactive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I hope this whole thread has helped you Johnny, and as I say, your honesty and willingness to share should start to shift some things for you>>>>HERE"S HOPIN""""""""!!!!!!!! and at the least know that you have helped a lot of us out here. Feel free to PM me anytime if I can be of any assistance!!!!
Yours, sincerely PISSED OFF and TERRIFIED..but WORKING my way out of it,
Liz