Hi Johnny,.. sorry to hear your going thru a tough time.
I'm forty and unmarried and have experienced those lows of lonliness worrying about a future of being crippled /old / and lonely. It can be an overwhelming and gripping fear.. if you let it. I was married for 1.5 yrs then divorced (many moons ago) and I can say.. being with the wrong person is far harder & sadder than living alone. I've had many failed relationships and worry no-one will want me due to my condition, but dwelling on these things just serves to sink us lower.
All I can say is tomorrow will be better! At some point when you least expect it ... you find the right connection. Poof! I've found a wonderful guy - a soul mate, and tho we'll never have the chance at a golden anniversary
,.. he has brought my smile back.
Not the fake smile I use to keep my spirits up.. but the real deal!! Now I
could spend my time worrying that he is apt to run away soon,... now that he's seeing me in this never-ending flare... but that could be a self-prophetic train of thought, and refuse to let myself go there. He will decide what's right for him. We have no control over these things and must learn instead to enjoy life's rollercoaster. "Let go and let God" is a good motto,... even if you think of God as the big tree in your backyard. Let the tree worry about it ...and enjoy the ride! In the greater scheme... you are still young with a world ahead of you. Hope this helps a bit.
Take care,
mig
