Wow, you get to be my first! My first post to someone here! Don't you feel honored? LOL!

Seriously, first of all, thanks so much for also being the first to welcome me today. It might not seem it to you guys, but I'm really alone and those 16 welcomes meant a lot to me. This is a pretty tough time in life for me.

I don't know you at all, Johnny, but I can hear myself in your words. I really wonder what the future holds for me, too. I'm like you -- lousy at love, and sure I'll be single forever. My only surviving child (I lost 4 at birth) treats me like garbage because I had the nerve to get sick. (She actually thinks I'm faking -- one day I leaned over and unplugged something, and she said, "Caught ya! Looks like you can bend over pretty good when you think no one is around!" Bit--!!! I raised this kid alone, gave her the world. Yeah, I'm just on cloud nine. Maybe 3,000 miles away in Quebec is a good place for her until she grows up!)

I also know what you're saying about people who aren't in your shoes (those with family not understanding how you feel). I heard someone tell a childless woman the other day that even though she can't have her own kids, she can love the neighbor kids as a replacement! Oh, yeah, that's the same thing! We never understand what others are going through, but I do know that 50-odd people care a lot about you -- I think that was how many responses there were to your post.

Just lost my job (full-time teaching at a high school -- let go when I got sick), so now I teach college part time, and don't even make the bills each month. Another worry.

But you know what? When I have the darkest days of all, and think there is nothing for me in the whole world, and life sucks completely, something -- just some little thing -- will come along and show me that I'm NOT alone, that people DO care, and that I WILL go on. You will. People care about you here -- that's a lot.

Not sure how to end this, but to say I'm thinking of you, and sending positive thoughts your way. Hang on with the rest of us -- we can do it together.

Finally, I think that all of us singles need to get a big house to share. That'd be WAY cool! I vote NM -- very dry and warm here, always sunny . . . and the border is close (can't you see a vanful of gimps cruising into Mexico?). This is it, singles -- start planning!

Take care, Johnny, and let me know how you're doing,

Patty