You're not gonna like hearing this
but I *DO* know how you feel, man. I also have no one....when my mom goes...what's left? I also have no SO, no siblings, am not close to my family in any way, and I'm terrified. I have a degree which I can't use.
That's what irritated me about other arthritis groups I've written to (NOT KickAS). No one who has someone to support them could *possibly IMAGINE* what it feels like to be totally alone with some unpredictable arthritic monster. Internet relationships are great, but they ARE NOT enough.
Somehow, I also believe in God. I try EVERY SINGLE DAY to resolve my physical situation with my belief in God's goodness. I try very often to resolve pain in general with the idea of God.
Long nights I've sat up asking the Sovereign of the Universe....WHY? Why, why, why? Why does it take years, even decades, for the great people on here to get docs to believe them, let alone get diagnosed? Why can't people in chronic pain just get their disease stopped and their pain eased? Why do people end up alone? The good thing is I've been able to spend a lot of time studying Tanach (Jewish Bible...but I'm not Jewish...it's Jewish law for non-Jews....long story
). Getting to know exactly WHO the SotU is has really enlightened me as to what He expects.
Sometimes the SotU brings us to a point where we DON'T know what to expect, or to give, or to do. This is exactly where we are supposed to be, I'm sure. I don't know why, but that's what the sages say. Bottom line, all the "happy shiney" thinking isn't going to change that people suffer one iota. I believe, but I respectfully want to know WHY.
I don't know what to tell you. I was going to post something similar to what you wrote but I couldn't do it....I would have been completely flamed off another group for saying something like that. I even felt ashamed for thinking how I did...I mean, YOU don't have to feel ashamed, that was my own thing. But it seems that whatever people throw at AS kickers, they can take it!!!
I commend you....you had a lot of guts writing what you did here
Nevertheless, we are all here to listen whether you feel the need to share a great story, poem or vent about your rotten days.
Rox
http://www.geocities.com/artisan1998.geo/index.html
